Fritinancy

The Fritinancy Giftapalooza!

Wordy, worldly gifts suitable for any wintertide occasion, including Hanukkah (this year: sunset Dec. 1 through sunset Dec. 8).

1. Postcard telegrams. “Designed to resemble cable-service telegrams—complete with class of service designations, an area to fill in the charge amount, and an official-looking office-of-origin stamp (your messages will appear to be sent from Portland, Oregon)—these letterpress-printed cards have an authentically vintage feel.”

Especially nice if you actually reside in Portland, Oregon. From Bas Bleu. Six cards plus envelopes, $16.95.

2. Library candles and scent diffusers. “Pairing favorite quotes with exquisite fragrances, we pay homage to the literary greats.” In Dickens, Whitman, Austen, Thoreau, and Poe. Shown below: the Dickens (a blend of tangerine, juniper, and clove); the quote reads, “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”

 

From Paddywax (excellent name!). The 60-hour soy candle is $25; the library travel tin is $9.95.

 

3. QWERTY keyboard carryall bag.

I confess I got a little swoony with desire when I saw this whimsical-yet-practical bag at Kate Spade. It’s made of “Italian smooth shiny cowhide” with 14k gold-plated hardware—which I would forgo if it meant reducing the $495 price. On the other hand, if each of you readers chipped in 50 cents . . .

4. OK, by Allan Metcalf.

A whole book about “OK”? Oh, yes. Because as author Allan Metcalf says, “It’s OK the Great: the most successful and influential word ever invented in America.” His recently published book is a dandy gift that enables the reader to win bets (no, “OK” doesn’t derive from Choctaw), learn about American history (Martin Van Buren and Andrew Jackson figure into the narrative), and gain insights into literary classics (Louisa May Alcott used “okay” in the first edition of Little Women). And there’s brand history, too (I wrote about that angle last month in a post about OK Soda). Bonus gift: an interview with Allan Metcalf on the Oxford University press blog.

Word of the Week: Manllow

Manllow: A pillow bearing the image of an “ideal man.”

Manllow was apparently coined by self-described “art geek and fashion freak” Lala Liu, whose Manllows shop on Etsy defines a Manllow as “half man half pillow.” The copy goes on to describe Mannlows as “[t]he greatest gift of all time. 105% creepy, 5% loveable [sic] or 105% loveable, 5% creepy. You pick.”

A less-awkward spelling would have been Manillow, but it’s possible Ms. Liu was concerned about legal action from the artist formerly known as Barry Alan Pincus.

Depicted above is the Edward Cullen Manllow (sold out, alas), named for the vampire protagonist of the wildly successful Twilight series, as portrayed by actor Robert Pattison. (This particular example might have more appropriately been named a Vampillow.)

The Edward Cullen Manllow was included in Salon’s “10 Most Baffling ‘Twilight’ Products,” a list that includes condoms, a tampon case, and amber-hued contact lenses. See a slideshow here.

Read more posts celebrating man-words.

Hanging Noodles for the Holidays

I've enjoyed getting to know Jag Bhalla on Twitter, where he's always quick with a punny quip. Lately I've been laughing aloud at his little gem of a book, I'm Not Hanging Noodles on Your Ears, a collection of global idioms. (The title is the Russian equivalent of "I'm not pulling your leg.") If you're still shopping for the word-lovers on your holiday list, I recommend Hanging Noodles in multiples.

The book, Bhalla explains in the introduction, "is designed to fit into our attention-deficit-disorder-ly lifestyles." You can flip to the chapter that most interests you (animals, countries, the language of love) or linger over the charming and informative chapter intros. And by all means enjoy the delightful illustrations by New Yorker cartoonist Julia Suits.

In the chapter on numerical idioms, I discovered "Where six can eat, seven can eat" ("there's always room for one more"; Spain) and "fifty-six knives" (a dangerous woman; Hindi). German is full of scatalogical expressions like "ink pisser" (an office worker), and the Japanese have countless idioms with "belly": "to cure one's belly" means "to get revenge"; "to see through one's belly" means "to read someone's mind." 

The subsection on alcohol is especially instructive. To be "good with the left hand" is Japanese for "to be a drinker"; Argentinians say a person is "breast-fed" if he's drunk. In Spain,"drowning the mouse" is the equivalent of partaking of "the hair of the dog"—the drink that supposedly staves off a hangover.

And leave it to the French to come up with "to fart higher than your butt." It means "to be snooty, posh, to put on airs."

When I finally move Hanging Noodles from nightstand to shelf, it will occupy a place of honor next to Howard Rheingold's They Have a Word for It and Adam Jacot de Boinod's The Meaning of Tingo. Highly recommended!

 

 

The Game of the Name

I'm not in the target market for this game—I don't have kids—but I want it anyway, because it would be an excellent addition to my name-development toolkit:

 

From the description:

Imagine if a bakery merged with barber shop. What would you call the new business? Bread Heads?... Cookie Cutters?... How about Shave 'n Cream? Think up these and other creative answers in this hilarious party game where naming is the name of the game. Randomly select two different business cards and then try to come up with a clever name for their unlikely merger. If your name wins the most votes, you're the boss!

Hey, naming is always the name of my game! And I love being the boss! Especially when I control all the votes.

(Thanks to Karen at Verbatim.)

Barackollectibles

Our long national nightmare is finally over, mes amis. Let's go shopping! But not for just any old tchtochkes. Let's load up on Obama swag.

Thirsty? NPR's Morning Edition reports that Jones Soda has introduced Orange "You Glad for Change" Soda and that some D.C. bars are pouring Ale to the Chief. Brewery Ommegang of Cooperstown, New York, wanted to name its celebratory quaff Obamagang—a neat multiple pun—but the feds nixed it; the label now reads "Inaugural Ale." You can see the original label art here. (Hat tip: ETBWrites.) Prefer wine? Allow me to pour you a glass of 2005 Yes We Cab!—"elegant and stately, just like Obama himself." Love that illustration. (Hat tip: Karen at Verbatim.)

In the mood for something more caloric? Good news: Ben & Jerry's has created a Yes Pecan! flavor: "amber waves of buttery ice cream with roasted nonpartisan pecans." Proceeds will be donated to the Common Cause Education Fund.  (And in the true spirit of nonpartisanship, here are some suggested flavors to honor the Bush, uh, legacy. Hat tip: Karen again.)

Perhaps you'd prefer a more lasting memento. Uncommon Goods is selling an official ballot necklace in sterling silver for just $38:

The ballots featured are either standby-by ballots (used in case the voting machines break down) or absentee, military and special ballots. The double-sided necklace showcases two parties that supported Barack Obama: the Democrat [sic] party and the Working Families Party.

You'd better not be in a hurry, though: this handmade keepsake is back-ordered till Feb. 10. (The McCain-Palin necklace is available a little sooner.)

Uncommon Goods is also selling a framed paper ballot "printed specifically for the old-fashioned, pull-lever voting machines used in New York City": $350. On the opposite end of the spectrum: a Zortz note-holder featuring a slightly scary representation of Obama's head. It's a bargain at $25.

What's that smell? Why, it's Yes We Can fragrance, "directly inspired by Obama's acceptance speech." It contains "notes of celery seed, lavender, citrus accord, and pine," and no, I don't know what "citrus accord" is. The perfume is available for $34 on Etsy.

Another Yes We Can fragrance is for sale on eBay, with no description whatsover, for only $0.99. Tip: Change the name to Eau-bama (change is good!), add some flowery copy, and jack up the price to $25. It'll fly off the shelves.

You can even sleep with your new commander-in-chief. Obama jammies and nightgowns come in adult sizes small through XXL and are 100% cotton flannel. Don't forget the Obama condoms ("for the elitist penis").

And there's much, much more. For a comprehensive list, see Sarah Hepola's compilation over at Salon. She leads with the Obama dildo (talk about a stimulus package!) and proceeds:

There is the Obama votive candle, the Obama nesting dolls, the Obama wall hanging. And lest you feel hampered by details, rest assured that an Obama product doesn't even have to actually resemble Obama: It could resemble a rather frightening Bill Cosby. Or a very tan Ed Sullivan. Or, umm, whatever this guy is.

What a great country, huh?

 

Wordy Gifts

One week till Chanukah; 10 days till Christmas. Here's your almost-last-minute shopping list for lovers of language:

Everything You Know About English Is Wrong, by Bill Brohaugh, who writes a blog with the same title. You've got to love a usage manual whose subtitle is "Why English ain't from England, and 'ain't' ain't a bad word." Brohaugh, a former editor of Writer's Digest magazine, casts a skeptical and gleeful eye on bugbears like hopefully, decimate, and the verbified impact. But really, this is the sort of book you can open at random and be enlightened and entertained. I'm particularly fond of the section Brohaugh calls "Notymology, and Other Tales from the Bullshitternet."

Biting the Wax Tadpole: Confessions of a Language Fanatic, by Elizabeth Little. Who wouldn't enjoy unwrapping a gift with such an intriguing title? Happily, the inside of the book lives up to the cover. "Languages are, without question, the great compulsion of my life," Little writes. She's turned that compulsion into "a collection of the quirks, innovations, and implausibilities of the world's languages"—for example, the fact that some inhabitants of New Guinea get by with just two color terms, "black" and "white." (The book's title, by the way, is the Chinese mistranslation of "Coca-Cola.") Charming illustrations by Ayumi Piland.

Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages, by Ammon Shea. I wrote about this delightful book last week, but don't take my word for it: it's turning up on several best-of-2008 lists.

Buying In: The Secret Dialogue Between What We Buy and Who We Are, by Rob Walker, who writes a blog called Murketing and the "Consumed" column for the New York Times Magazine. Not strictly about words or usage, it's nonetheless an essential (and well written) reference for anyone who works in marketing, advertising, or social media. Ever wondered how and why Timberland, a traditional New England shoe company, became the first choice of hip-hop artists and other "urban" (read: African-American) consumers? Or how a new energy drink, Red Bull, and an old Midwestern beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon, became surprise recent successes? Or how branding agencies have harnessed and monetized word-of-mouth? Read this book, or give it to someone who needs to know the answers.

Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Race in Rhyme, by Calvin Trillin. Disclaimer: I haven't yet read it, but I did laugh my head off (there it goes, rolling down the aisle) over Trillin's previous collection of presidential doggerel, Obliviously On He Sails, and last week I listened to a radio interview with Trillin in which he read several of the new verses, so I feel qualified to recommend the book. Writing short, humorous verse is much harder than it appears and a bit of a dying art. Learn from a master.

Need more suggestions? Mighty Red Pen recommends a new board game, It Was a Dark and Stormy Night: The Game for People Who Like to Read, which tests players' knowledge of the first lines of literary works. Former Boston Globe editor Jan Freeman picks the best some worthy language books of 2008 here (her blog) and here (her column). And Editrix alerted me to Bryson's Dictionary of Troublesome Words, originally published in 1983 and updated in 2004. Bryson is not universally admired by Real Linguists, but I buy his books anyway (and keep a couple of cross-references on hand to check his facts). Bryson's memoir of growing up in the Midwest in the 1950s, The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, is one of the funniest books I've ever read—or listened to. Bryson himself reads the audiobook in the perfect deadpan; it kept me laughing during 12 hours behind the wheel from Oakland to L.A. and back again.

And Speaking of Diamonds...

...as we were only yesterday, Daddy Likey reminded me of the dazzling creations of Irina Blok, which I mentioned last year. This pendant says everything a two-carat rock would, but with waaay more wit:

  

Shrinky Dinks are a girl's best friend!

Still just $25 (plus $5.95 shipping)! Order here.

Eat Play Love

Not necessarily in that order:

But oh, woe, it's out of stock.

Merci beaucoup to Verbatim.

What I Want for Chanukah, Part Deux

From the author of The Encyclopedia Shatnerica comes this compilation of out-of-this-world names, from Anakin to Zardoz, from Barbarella to Neo:

Just $10.36 on Amazon.

(Via Freakonomics.)

What I Want for Chanukah

Because evocative copywriting is always in perfect taste:

   

Shrinky Dinks pendant on 17-inch leather cord.

Heck, it's only $25 (plus $5.95 shipping), so I may just be my own Secret Maccabee.

(Via Swiss Miss.)