Also available in Monsters University Shapes, Cheesy Alfredo, Cheesy Southwestern Chipotle, and Sponge Bob Square Pants Shapes.
After Andy Behr tipped me about this product (and ’tis grateful I am!), I searched for it at my local Safeway. No luck. But of course it’s available on Amazon, where the very first review, posted in 2010*, is a minor classic of the genre:
As I sit here, with a mouth full of this fine Kraft product, I can't help but remember that fateful December afternoon. The war had ended some time ago, yet you could still hear the resentment resonating through the townsfolk's gnashed teeth. Jake and I were at the bar, as usual, trying to drink away the sun. The barkeep, sliding a filthy rag across the counter, squinted as he tried to read our shirts. He let a grin escape and shook his head.
“You got a problem, old man?” Jake took off his glasses.
The barkeep ran his forearm across his wrinkled face. “Ain’t no problem here. You boys have guts, is all, wearin’ those Kraft logos around these parts. This is a Stouffer’s county.”
Jake stood up, sliding his stool back across the hardwood floor. “If I wanted to choke down frozen food, I’d move my ass to Alaska. I’ll take The Cheesiest any day.” We used to call him Jake the Patriot. Always looking for a fight. I grabbed his arm in a vain attempt to pacify him. Looking around the room, I saw we were vastly outnumbered.
The candy canes, requiring two words that don’t begin with “s,” are the ostracized bastards of the Kraft winter shapes social circle.
Read much, much more about ’Tis the Season in my December 5 roundup.
* The flavor in question was Original, not ’Tis the Chees’n Winter Shapes, but I figured the December setting was sufficiently seasonal.