Names That Made Me Say “Huh?”

Yes, naming can be hard. But the results shouldn’t make our heads throb. Three examples:

Cr8tiveYe: Bob Cumbow, a trademark lawyer in Seattle who reads this blog, sent me a link to Cr8tiveYe Enterprises along with this note: “I’m sure they intend that to be pronounced CREATIVE EYE [...] but as spelled, it looks like CRATIVE YE.”¹ Hey—I’ll bet it was easy to register the URL! Here’s the kicker: Cr8tiveYe (it hurts to type it) calls itself a naming and branding agency. From the home page: “We offer many strategic methods that helps [sic] put businesses on the map and leave a lasting impression on the people they touch.” There’s much more (and worse) on the site, but I’ll let Bob Cumbow have the last word: “I wouldn’t hire them.”²

Enterase: When this, um, entity began following me on Twitter, I wondered why a gastric enzyme would be interested in what I had to say. Turns out Enterase is “a buyer’s guide for men” that describes itself as “the premier online destination for the most influential 20-something male consumers … driven by style, sports, music, games and gear.” Why is it called “Enterase”? Oh, let me guess: the URL was available! Perhaps it will eventually have a sister site called Esterase.

Groubal: This new consumer-advocacy site has a lot going for it: a clear statement of purpose (“We champion consumer complaints and demand action from those responsible”), an engaging and navigable site design, and an integrated social-media strategy. The name, however, looks like a fuzzy imitation of Groupon, the online business that offers local bargains if enough people sign up for them. (“Groupon” is a blend of “group” and “coupon.”) The Groubal site doesn’t reveal a backstory, and neither does this interview with founder Robert Doner.³ So I’ll guess that “Grou-” derives from “group.” But what about “-bal”? Cymbal? Global? Tribal? Hannibal? Cabal? Hmm—how about a wackily spelled “grumble”? The company certainly wants us to use “Groubal” in every possible way: as the corporate name, as the name of an individual petition (“Add your groubal now”), as a verb (tagline: “Don’t gripe, groubal!”), and as a compound form (people who lodge complaints are “groubalers”). The trademark experts among you will no doubt have something to say about all that; me, I object on aesthetic and semantic grounds.

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¹ You might say Bob has a ye for names like this one. Some months back, he sent me a link to fileye (that’s right: all lower case), a web-based intellectual-property-software “solution.”  Is that name supposed to be Olde Englyshe? (“File ye, file ye!”) No, it’s apparently pronounced “file eye.” Ye gods!

² In related creative-names news, see Kre8tive Law Group. In Canada, no less!

³ The interview does contain the very odd expression gr.oo.bul, which I initially thought was a country-code URL but instead seems to be a pronunciation key. What the periods are doing there is a mystery. And the little-green-men logo? Creepy.

Comments

[Bob Cumbow]

Nice column. Thanks for the ink and the link!

Bob

[Frances]

Kind of makes you wonder what names and graphics they REJECTED, doesn't it?

[panavia999]

"Kre8tive" sounds like something a high school kid would come up with.

[Janet]

Mefo.com: An internet site for rating people. I suppose this is meant to be a play on "Info," but the use of "me" suggests that users rate themselves for others to see. I was asked to invest in this company before it went live (originally called PeopleAppraisal.com) and passed. I'm relatively sure that was the wisest business decision I ever made.

[Nancy Friedman]

Janet: "Mefo" is uncomfortably close to "mofo."

[Janet]

Nancy: Yes, it is. They probably should have included "mofo" in their list of ratables.

[Wilson]

This is very funny... the Enterase name actually makes sense. Enterase in Latin means to find out, to be aware of. Which is close in spelling to Esterase. However completely different.

[Nancy Friedman]

Wilson: Thanks for the translation. "Enterase" may make sense to Latin scholars, but it doesn't communicate meaning or benefit to the English-speaking hoi polloi. (And how are we supposed to pronounce it?) I still say it's a #fail.