Forget “perfect harmony.”
Yes, forget about love.
Because when it comes to corporate and product names, the last thing you want is heavy breathing and galloping hormones.
What do you want?
An arranged marriage.
Oh, I can hear your disappointed sighs. But trust me: this is good news.
As with flesh-and-blood attraction, name-love is elusive and idiosyncratic. You, for example, may fall hard for a name that to your colleague suggests only that miserable summer she spent hitchhiking through Uzbekistan. She, on the other hand, may have such a long checklist for “the perfect name” that no candidate stands a chance of succeeding.
What both of you need is a marriage broker who will gently yet firmly guide you to a satisfying and promising union.
Here are some of the advantages of an arranged-marriage name:
It comes from a good family. The arranged-marriage name has a strong linguistic pedigree and appropriate meaning. It brings a network of friendly relations—a k a semantic associations—into the marriage.
It has excellent prospects. The arranged-marriage name is smart, capable, and likely to succeed. It will help your business grow and prosper.
It won’t embarrass you. That cute name with the flashy syllables is fun for a fling. But the morning after—and the morning after that—you’ll want a name you’re proud to pronounce on the phone, present on your business card, and repeat to your investors.
It comes highly recommended. You’re very skilled at many things, but face it: at naming, you’re an amateur. Why not let an expert (then: the village matchmaker; now: your naming consultant) steer you to a rosy future?
Here’s the best thing about the arranged-marriage name: One day, you’ll wake up and realize you’re in love. It may take a month; it may take a year. It may take seeing the name on your products, in your videos, on coffee mugs and T-shirts, in the Wall Street Journal. It may take your customers telling you repeatedly how much they love your name. Eventually, though, just like Tevye and Golde in Fiddler on the Roof, you’ll find yourself smiling and saying: “If that’s not love, what is?”
Forget about love. With naming, an arranged marriage is your surest and sweetest route to happily ever after.
Disclaimer: My advice about arranged marriages applies to names only. With l’amour, you’re on your own.