Bad Brand Names: Rapiscan

Remember Michael Chertoff, who as homeland security secretary during the Bush Administration said ill-advised things about illegal immigrants (and who, predictably, was later found to employ them)? Since leaving government service, he's kept busy running the Chertoff Group, a security consulting firm; since the Dec. 25 Underpants Bomber episode he's given "dozens of media interviews," according to the Washington Post, about the urgent need for more full-body scanners at airports.

Wouldn't you know, one of Chertoff Group's clients just happens to be a big manufacturer of full-body scanners, Rapiscan Systems. Which would be unfortunate even if it weren't an apparent conflict of interest. Here's how Whatever It Is I'm Against It makes the case:

I assume the first syllable of Rapiscan is pronounced with a soft a¹ as in rapid, not a hard a² as in rape. If I were planning to sell scanners that pictured people naked, I'd have put some more thought into that name.

Me, too. 

Rapiscan is yet another of those unfortunate ambiguous portmanteau names that are so easy to dream up and so difficult to pull off. In honor of Lewis Carroll, the first person to use portmanteau to describe such mashups³, here's a cautionary verse:

Beware the awkward portmanteau!
The syllables that clash and grate!
Avoid the sound inapropos
And the sense third-rate.

 

__

¹ I.e., "short a."

² I.e., "long a."

³ Carroll was also the coiner of "snark."

Comments

[Jessica]

If you put the emphasis on "pis" it could be the name of a fish-worshiping cult.

[4ndyman]

I guess they chose Rapiscan because Peniscan was already taken. Just be glad they weren't developing this technology for Wang Laboratories.

[sarah]

this is a very stupid post, who cares what the name of the "brand" is. it is technology that could potentially save lives. what are you doing with your life? making pis and rape jokes? hmmm ...

[Vicki]

Heh, Nancy. I see you don't moderate the trolls in your comments.

Brand names are important. Brands have gained customers with a good name, lost customers with a bad one. Happily, however, most people will never read the brand name on the airport scanner; they'll be too busy removing their shoes, belt, watch, and keys; bemoaning the loss of that precious bottle of water; or wondering whether the scanner is showing off their celullite to the other travelers.

(Lewis Carroll is also resonsible for coining "gallumphing" :-)

[Nancy Friedman]

Thanks, Vicki. By the way, your own company name--Canta Forda Computer Laboratory--is simply brilliant (and very funny).

[Nimble]

That was a lovely Jabberwocky riff!