The Dow Jones industrial average today took a ship to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, put on a deep-sea diving suit, and then descended to the ocean floor, where it examined rock formations on the continental slope, on fears that some on Wall Street had not properly factored in lower earnings when the Dow skipped down the stairs two at a time earlier this week.
The Dow Jones industrial average traveled to Saskatchewan early this morning and leased a P&H 320XPC industrial mining drill, which it then used to bore 2.7 miles beneath the crust of the earth, releasing a bright orange flow of molten lava, on analysts’ worries that other analysts were not worried enough, while other were worried too much.
The Dow Jones industrial average yesterday pierced the planet’s core and reappeared hours later in the city of Xian in the Shaanxi region of central China, where it enjoyed a meal of dumplings and hacked chicken and watched a performance of traditional dances by local school children, on fears that financial news writers, having exhausted every possible metaphor to describe its endless downward trend, would simply stop writing about it.
I have a special appreciation for this since I used to work at business news organizations. The commodity reports occasionally described gold as "the yellow metal" and bananas as "the elongated fruit."
Posted by: WendyB | November 23, 2008 at 06:31 PM