Bad Brand Names: The New Champion!

Yes, there is a brand name worse than "Knol."

If I'd come upon it in the wild, I'd have assumed it to be one of those Engrish brands like Japan's Pocari Sweat (a real beverage) or Dew-Dew (a real candy) or Chokies (a real cookie). But no--it was born in Merrie Olde England, so we can't blame an overreaching translator for this:

Just to clarify: you drink it. And no, I don't know what it tastes like, but if you guessed "like fish," you're probably not in the target market.

There's nothing coy about Pussy. According to the home page:

The name Pussy shocks and demands attention - that's the point. Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity. This is a premium energy named with confidence.

Confidence? Nay--cojones!

And from the About Us page:

Pussy is spontaneous, entertaining, optimistic and fun. It’s a starting point. A moment when something happens and when things begin – Pussy starts conversations. It believes in having a good time as often as possible.

(Polyglot Conspiracy, the linguistics blogger who tipped me off, has this to say about that: "Because we all know, pussies want to have a good time whenever YOU want to have a good time. They’re just sitting there, waiting for a good time. For you to have your good time way with them. All the time.")

You know, for a minute there I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. "Maybe it comes from puissant, meaning 'potent' or 'powerful'," I speculated. "Maybe it has something to do with a posse, in the hip-hop or Old West sense. Or, hey! You've heard of 'hair of the dog'? Maybe this is 'hair of the cat'!"

Yeah, right.

Marketing brainstorm: cross-promote Pussy with Vagin Pouvoir lingerie. Resuscitate Pussy Galore as spokesmodel.

Or let fairness reign in a comparative taste test: a couple of commenters on Shakesville, a feminist blog, mentioned a competing energy drink called BAWLS ("Bounce with BAWLS!"). 

In related news, the latest edition of Don't Show-cha Your Chocha is now available at Daddy Likey for your scandalized viewing pleasure.

(More bad brand names here, here, here, and also here. Know any that are even worse? Drop me a line!)

Comments

[Chandoo]

Wow.. this definitely takes brand naming to worst level possible...

[Margy]

You've probably already heard about it, but there is a prescription-only laxative called "Go Lightly." My husband, to his intense dismay, had an unpleasant tangle with it several years ago while preparing for a colonoscopy. GL is *extremely* effective. It is supposed to taste somewhat less unpleasant if chilled, so before I left for work that day, I placed a champagne flute next to the "Go Lightly" bottle in the fridge for him to find. He was amused--but, sadly, his smiles didn't last long.

[Elle Davis]

I sure hope it doesn't taste like fish! I bet their target market is night clubs and strip joints.

[Jessica]

Even if you ignore the scatological connotations (hard if not impossible), you're arguably left with something suggesting "pus-like," no?

Until further notice, yes, this is the worst.

[Nancy Friedman]

@Jessica: You may think it's Pussy, but it's Snot.

[Stephanie]

One of my clients is a bar and grill and on Friday nights their bartender is a crazy, likable Scottish woman with the unfortunate habit of drinking or giving away the inventory. Her specialty is a drink called the "Pink Pwasay" (phonetic spelling). It has seven kinds of alcohol and pink grapefruit juice. She can be heard yelling out "Pink Pwaassssay!" at regular intervals which gets the patrons going so loud they can be heard over the band (whom I also cover). One day I stopped her and asked what the hell she was saying and she told me, which I still didn't understand considering the thick Scottish accent. Then she came back and leaned in and whispered, "you know, PUSSY!"

[Drew]

Thanks for the link, Nancy. Glad someone else found Vergina snigger-worthy and glad the badness of its name could be one-upped.