I was inspired by linguist Heidi Harley's catalog of Simpsons linguistic phenomena to start a parallel list of fictitious brand names used on episodes of The Simpsons.
It's a tough job--much tougher than I'd imagined--and, frankly, nobody has to do it. Nevertheless, I did it. Or at least took a preliminary stab. The job was made somewhat easier by the gnomes of Wikipedia, the Simpson Crazy fan site, and this directory interactive map of Springfield. (UPDATED with new URL and cooler map.)
There's a backlog of episodes whose scripts still haven't been uploaded to fan sites, and I didn't begin taking notes until this year, so the list is weighted toward the 1990s. Dates, when provided, refer to an episode's first airing. And yes, this is a work in progress, so feel free to add a comment with your own favorites.
UPDATE: Simpsons Brand-o-Rama Part Deux (posted June 2008) is here. And Part Trois (posted June 2009) is here.
Food and Beverage
Duff Beer (also Duff Lite)
Squishee (crushed-ice beverage sold at the Kwik-E-Mart)
Buzz Cola (also Crystal Buzz Cola)
Mellow Yellow, Mr. Ripe, Peel King (banana brands; "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson," 5/18/97)
Red Tick Beer (tagline: Suck One Dry; "The Springfield Files," 1/12/97)
Powersauce Bar (tagline: Unleash the Power of Apples; label copy: "A bushel of apples packed in each bar, plus a secret ingredient that unleashes the awesome power of apples"; "King of the Hill," 5/3/98 [predating the animated series of the same name])
Stabby O's cereal ("Bye Bye Nerdie," 3/11/01)
Ah, Fudge! ("Sweet and Sour Marge," 1/20/02)
Le Snotterie (fancy French restaurant; "Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase," 5/11/97)
Sha-B00m-Ka-Boom Café (shaped like a mushroom cloud; serves burgers named Little Boy [$3.95] and Fat Man [$12.95]; "Homer Phobia," 2/16/97)
Up, Up and Buffet ("Natural Born Kissers," 5/17/98)
The Singing Sirloin ("She of Little Faith," 12/16/01)
The Frying Dutchman (12/16/01)
Phineas Q. Butterfat 5600 Flavor Ice Cream Parlor
Lard Lad Donuts (soon to be a deluxe boxed figure)
Wall E. Weasel's (parody of Nolan "Atari" Bushnell's Chuck E. Cheese)
Der Krazy Kraut
The Gilded Truffle
The French Confection
Fatso's Hash House ("She of Little Faith," 12/16/01)
The Flapjack Stack
The Hungry Hun
The Happy Sumo
Pizza on a Stick
The Rusty Barnacle
P. Piggly Hogswine Super-Smorg
TGI McScratchy's Good Time Fooddrinkery
The Spaghetti Laboratory (parody of The Old Spaghetti Factory)
A Taste of Arabia
Two Guys from Kabul
Palais du Donut
What They Eat in Iceland
The Municipal House of Pancakes
Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop
Much Ado About Muffins (tagline: To Eat or Not to Eat; "My Sister, My Sitter," 3/2/97)
Kentucky Fried Panda
Bloater's at the Squidport (the place to go for Jell-O shooters)
The Karachi Hibachi
Professor P.J. Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery
Planet Springfield ("Lisa the Tree Hugger," 11/19/2000)
At the Mall (and on Main Street)
33¢ Store (parody of 99¢ Stores)
My First Tattoo (tattoos for kids; "My Sister, My Sitter," 3/2/97)
It's a Wonderful Knife (3/2/97)
I Can't Believe It's Not Trayfe! (store in Krusty the Klown's old neighborhood; parody of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! spread)
Abercrombie & Rich
Wee Monsieur (boys' clothing)
All Creatures Great and Cheap (pet store)
Costington's (the upscale department store)
12-Day Dry Cleaners ("City of New York vs. Homer Simpson," 9/21/97)
99-Cent Furniture (ditto)
House of No Refunds
Malaria Zone ("My Sister, My Sitter," 3/2/97)
The Leftorium (Ned Flanders's store selling products for left-handed people: "When Flanders Failed," 10/3/91)
Sportacus (athletic goods)
Bloodbath & Beyond Gun Shop ("The Cartridge Family," 11/2/97)
Yee's Old Towne (in Chinatown)
Pone, Pelts and Beyond ("Simpsons Tall Tales," 5/20/01)
Simply Shoes (and Athletic Equipment and Activewear) ("The Homer They Fall," 11/10/96)
Miscellaneous, Etc. (ditto)
One Size Fits All Lingerie (ditto)
Toys 'L' Us (toy store in Chinatown; "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love," 12/2/01)
Li'l Bastard products (the "Acme" brand of The Simpsons; products include Li'l Bastard Catapult, Li'l Bastard Brainwashing Kit, and Li'l Bastard General Mischief Kit)
Thumbstitute (to wean Maggie off her pacifier; 3/13/07)
Junior Skeptic Magazine ("The Springfield Files," 1/12/97)
Malibu Stacy (Barbie parody; accessories include the Malibu Stacy Lunar Rover)
The Golden Banana (male strip joint)
Nude-E-Mart (Apu's combination strip club/convenience store; tagline: Topless Dancers! Bottomless Coffee!; 3/8/98)
The Pimento Grove (what passes for sophisticated nightlife in Springfield)
Laramie cigarettes (including Laramie Extra-Tar, "now with more nico-glycerol")
The Gutter Room (bar where Krusty goes on a bender in "The Last Temptation of Krust," 2/22/98)
The Bloated Liver (ditto)
Toon Beat magazine
Granny Fanny (magazine found at Springfield Air Force Base)
Sir Putts-a-Lot Merrie Old Fun Center (mini-golf course)
Duff Gardens (parody of Busch Gardens)
Dizz Nee Land
KrustyLu Studios (parody of DesiLu Studios)
Itchy & Scratchy Land (and Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land)
Paramountie Studios (in Canada, eh: 5/18/99)
Canadian Graffiti (parody of American Graffiti; tagline: Obey the Rules)
Biclops (worst-ever superhero; wears glasses)
VHS Village, Formerly Beta Barn
Bed Bath & Baha'i
Movementarianism ("The Joy of Sect," 2/8/98)
Church of Latter-Day Druids ("She of Little Faith," 12/16/01)
Whiskey a God God (ditto)
Temple Beth Springfield
Cathedral of the Downtown
Canyonero (tagline: The Cadillac of Automobiles)
OK Car ral (where Homer bought his Canyonero)
Li'l Lugger Trailer ("You Only Move Twice," 11/3/96)
U-Break-It Van Rental ("City of New York vs. Homer Simpson," 9/21/97)
Sit-N-Stare Bus Lines ("Realty Bites," 12/7/97)
Compuglobalhypermeganet (an ISP created by Homer)
Niagular cell phone service
The Java Server (Internet café)
Gritz-Carlton Hotel (hotel in Branson, Missouri, where Abe and Zelda tryst)
Spinster City Apartments (where Marge's sisters Patty and Selma Bouvier live)
Who's to Know Motel
Shtickfair (Krusty's estate; a spoof of Pickfair)
Casa Nova: A Transitional Place for Singles ("A Millhouse Divided," 12/1/96)
Calmwood Mental Hospital (slogan: We Now Treat March Madness!; "Hurricane Neddy," 12/29/96)
Aphrodite Inn--Fantasy Suites & Conference Center
New Haven Uptown Uniplex ("Burns, Baby, Burns," 11/17/96)
New Bedlam Home for the Emotionally Interesting
The Happy Earwig Motel
Springfield Knowledgeum (tagline: Where Science Is Explained with Brightly Colored Balls)
Ayn Rand School for Tots ("A Streetcar Named Marge," 10/1/92)
Miss Tillingham's School for Snooty Girls and Mama's Boys
Rommelwood Military Academy (tagline: A Tradition of Heritage)
Disco Stu's Can't Stop the Learnin' Disco Academies ("The Twisted World of Marge Simpson," 1/19/97)
Health and Beauty
Luda-Crest toothpaste (spokesman: rap star Ludacris; sample lyric: "I'm the enemy of the cavity/Unstoppable like gravity"; watch the video)
Loafer Lightener styling product ("Hungry Hungry Homer," 3/4/02)
Hairy Shearers Hair Salon (Harry Shearer is a longtime "voice" on the series)
Old Old Spice (Grandpa Simpson's aftershave)
Meryl Streep's Versatility perfume (tagline: Smell Like Streep for Cheep!; "A Streetcar Named Marge," 10/1/92)
Turn Your Head and Coif (beauty parlor)
The Perm Bank (beauty parlor; "A Milhouse Divided," 12/1/96)
Gee, Your Lip Looks Hairless (mustache wax used by Patty and Selma; "Principal Charming," 2/14/91)
In 'n' Out Ear Piercing (tagline: If It Dangles, We'll Punch a Hole in It; "The Simpson Tide," 3/29/98)
Pee N See Home Pregnancy Test
Nappian (Ambien-like sleeping pill that causes Homer to misbehave even more badly than usual; "Crook and Ladder," 5/6/07)
Repressitol (Milhouse's medication in "Bye Bye Nerdie," 3/11/01)
Merry Widow Insurance Company
Etern-a-Bond adhesive (tagline: Now with Death Grip!; label warning: In Case of Accidental Ingestion Consult a Mortician; "Lost Our Lisa," 5/10/98)
Federated Slaveholding (Mr. Burns is a shareholder; "The Old Man and the Lisa," 4/20/97)
Low Expectations Dating Service ("Selma's Choice," 1/21/93)
A-1 Baby Crutch Company
Dominex knee pads ("Crook and Ladder," 5/6/07)
Left-Mart in the episode "Home Away from Homer" was amusing. (Flanders: "business has been pretty slow since that chain store moved in.")
Posted by: Our Bold Hero | June 29, 2007 at 11:10 AM
There was also Fudd beer, IIRC, from the episode where Homer takes off for some reason, meets a country singer and becomes her agent (complete with white suit and hat).
Posted by: Flick | June 29, 2007 at 11:15 AM
This list literally had me crying at work. I might have missed these above, but my two favorites are
Try N' Save
Pay and Park and Pay
Posted by: Jared | June 29, 2007 at 11:16 AM
I loved this! But I had to add one of my favorites, which Grandpa Simpson uses on his hair
Lucky Lindy's Hair Pomade (tagline: You'll never fly solo again!)
Posted by: Dene | June 29, 2007 at 11:38 AM
Wikipedia also has a comprehensive list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_products_in_The_Simpsons
Personally, my favorite is "Chippos", which my wife and I use at home to reference any bag of chips we have in the kitchen.
Posted by: Pete Krawczyk | June 29, 2007 at 11:38 AM
Another for the healthy & beauty section: Focusin, the ADD drug that Bart is given.
Posted by: Christian | June 29, 2007 at 11:47 AM
Don't forget Marge Simpson's favorite advice magazine: FRETFUL MOTHER
Karl--In the words of Mr. Burns: Oohhh, excellent! -- Nancy
Posted by: Karl Weber | June 29, 2007 at 11:57 AM
In the Flaming Moe's episode, a knockoff restaurant opens called "Flaming Meaux." That's always been one of my favorites.
Posted by: DavidGriner | June 29, 2007 at 12:10 PM
Don't forget Maison Derriere ("Are they talkin' about the bordello?" "No, the burlesque house!"). And then there was the short-lived Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag (which narrowly escaped being named Chairman Moe's Magic Wok or Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker).
Bloodbath and Beyond made me lose it. :)
Posted by: Seymour Butz | June 29, 2007 at 12:26 PM
This list isn't complete without the kitchen store named Stoner's Pot Palace. Otto's comment: "Man, that is flagrant false advertising!"
Posted by: Michael | June 29, 2007 at 01:45 PM
I second the Fudd Beer, "that made all those hillbillies go blind". Also, there were Krusty O's Cereal, "Now with a free jagged metal o in every box".
Posted by: James | June 29, 2007 at 02:19 PM
This has some overlap with existing lists at The Simpsons Archive (http://www.snpp.com/):
Springfield City Profile (http://snpp.com/guides/city.profile.html)
Springfield: King of All Media (http://snpp.com/guides/springfield.media.html)
Springfield Vacation (http://snpp.com/guides/vacation.html)
Still, you should submit your list to them!
Jordan--Thanks! I know about snpp.com, of course (it's in my blogroll), but obviously hadn't followed all of its myriad byways. -- Nancy
Posted by: Jordan | June 29, 2007 at 03:31 PM
You mean Hairy Shearers.
Joe--I certainly do. Fixed now. Thanks! -- Nancy
Posted by: Joe Clark | June 29, 2007 at 03:36 PM
Pete--Yes, that was one of my Wikipedia sources. Thanks for providing the link!
Flick--The episode was called "Colonel Homer," and the country singer ("Lurleen") was voiced by Beverly D'Angelo.
Dene, Jared, Our Bold Hero--Great additions! Thanks!
Posted by: Nancy | June 29, 2007 at 03:50 PM
Hi Seymour (do you have Prince Albert in the can?)--That was a terrific episode ("Bart After Dark"), and thanks for the reminder about Maison Derriere. Here's a link to the song lyrics: http://www.area51newmexico.com/simpsons/simpsons_spring.html
Posted by: Nancy | June 29, 2007 at 03:56 PM
I can't remember the episodes, but I remember a few more:
Pool Sharks - Where the customer is our chum!
Flowers By Irene (although this might not count, since it was an FBI cover rather than an actual business).
Posted by: Joe | June 29, 2007 at 04:57 PM
Jittery Joe's may actually be an homage to a existing coffee house rather than a Simpson's trope. I cannot speculate as to the writer's particular knowledge, but Neutral Milk Hotel recorded a live album at said establishment. I'd name the location, but I'm in Africa right now and the cs is... well, not.
Posted by: Chris | June 29, 2007 at 06:44 PM
Don't forget the hair regrowing tonic Homer used: Dimoxinil.
Posted by: Jon | June 29, 2007 at 08:01 PM
I liked the cutlery store called Alternative Knifestyles in the episode where Homer finds himself in the gay part of town.
Posted by: Neal Whitman | June 30, 2007 at 09:11 AM
Neal -- Good one. There were a bunch of stores in the gay neighborhood; I especially liked Armistead's Mopeds, a play on Armistead Maupin ("Tales of the City").
Posted by: Nancy | June 30, 2007 at 01:49 PM
How about the hammock stores of Cypress Creek: Hammock Hut, Hammocks-R-Us, Put-Your-Butt-There and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Plus Mary Ann's Hammocks, where Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.
Posted by: TonyH | July 01, 2007 at 07:25 AM
I might be misremembering, but how about Monstromart: "where shopping is a baffling ordeal"?
Posted by: tanyasingsdido | July 01, 2007 at 10:07 AM
Tanyasingsdido--You recall correctly. Monstromart made an appearance in a 1994 episode that featured James Woods: http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/episodeguide.php?episode=1F10
Thanks! -- Nancy
Posted by: Nancy | July 01, 2007 at 10:48 AM
What! No mention of "Gorilla's Choice" brand bananas?
(Chief Wiggum's boys use their stickers to decorate the police radio board.)
Posted by: George Cauldron | July 01, 2007 at 05:09 PM
Oddly: there really is a Golden Banana (presumed to be a male strippertorium, but I never checked) on Rt. 128 north of Boston.
This list makes me so happy. Thanks for doing all that hard work.
Posted by: sgazzetti | July 02, 2007 at 03:57 AM