Eric Gagné, a relief pitcher with the Los Angeles Dodgers until this season, when he joined the Texas Rangers, had a tête-à-tête with Sports Illustrated (June 4, 2007) and spilled the beans about his kids' names.
He'd started out sanely enough, naming his 6½-year-old daughter Faye.
He began losing control with Maddox, now 3½. "People think I named Maddox after [former Dodgers teammate] Greg Maddux, but it's because I love Angelina Jolie," Gagné said. (Does his wife know about this?) "When she named her son Maddox, I thought it was cool."
Eric neglected to heed rule #1 of baby naming: Pay absolutely no attention to what show-business folk call their offspring. It only encourages them.
Yes, it's a slippery slope. Now there is poor little Bluu, at 1½ still too young to know the sins of the father. Let's let Gagné pêre tell the story:
And people [people? which people, exactly?] think Dodger blue with Bluu, but it was the name of a store we saw, and she was born in Arizona, where there's always a blue sky.
By that logic, my own name should be "Smogg." Or perhaps "Bag 'n' Basket."
Reminds me of that episode of 30 Rock in which the stupendously vapid, criminally underdressed receptionist Cerie (played by Katrina Bowden) mused about her forthcoming nuptials and hoped-for issue:
I already have all the names picked out. If it's a girl, Bookcase. Or Sandstorm. Or maybe Hat. [Beat.] But maybe that's more of a boy's name.
For more wrong turns in neonatal nomenclature, check out The Bad Baby Names Blog, which reports on the idiocies shared at Yahoo Answers: "You can go there for advice on how to fix a leaking hose, or file for bankruptcy - why not have them name your baby as well?"
Reading this, I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode where George tells Susan he has decided on the name for their baby if ever they have one: "Seven." Micky Mantle's number, the perfect name for a boy or a girl. When another couple steals the name, he tries to sell them on "Soda." I kind of like them both.
Posted by: brad shorr | June 07, 2007 at 02:15 PM
Brad--That was a great Seinfeld episode. Thanks for reminding me about it.
Posted by: Nancy | June 07, 2007 at 02:25 PM
The main character and narrator of "Special Topics in Calamity Physics" is name Blue Van Meer....an interesting name on the periphery of normalcy, but it's not totally out of the question for someone to be named that.
I actually like Bluu better.
Posted by: jairyhunter | July 25, 2007 at 05:39 PM