Just in time for Sunday's 79th Annual Academy Awards show, National Public Radio presents its first annual Oscar contest winners. Listeners were asked to write a speech for a best-acting nominee in character. So we have Meryl Streep accepting as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada (winner in the Best Devil-May-Care Attitude category), Judi Dench as Barbara Covett in Notes on a Scandal (Least Diplomatic), Mark Wahlberg as Dignan in Departed (Best Clean "Departed" Speech--and the lengths to which it goes to be clean are truly prodigious), and Jennifer Hudson singing her acceptance as Effie in Dreamgirls. (Be sure to listen to winning speechwriter Cleola Ratliff belting it out.)
And then there's Helen Mirren as QE2, winner in the Most Diplomatic category, as channeled so very regally by Kim Stanford of York, PA:
To those of you who selected me, your Queen, as the recipient of this honour, I offer my gratitude. I should never have expected to be so honoured in my lifetime. Indeed, it is an honour that I could have easily forgone. I would have preferred that my performance during that disastrous week be forgotten, but to my surprise, someone believed a film should be made about it.
If only a certain person had not been so impetuous, none of this would have been necessary. Still, what's done is done and we must move on. I would like to dedicate this award to my family, my Corgis, my devoted servants, and, of course, you, my people. Without your concern, your sound bites on the telly, your holding up a mirror to myself, none of this would have been possible. Thank you. I will keep this with my most treasured possessions.