Fritinancy

Any Color, As Long As It's Printable

General Motors, apparently not satisfied with a $30 billion government bailout, is asking U.S. citizens to chip in just one more tiny little thing: a color name for the new Chevy Volt, the world's first mass-produced extended-range electric vehicle.

From the photos, I'd say it looks silverish-greenish. But hey, we're Americans! We can do better!

So GM sponsored a contest (deadline was this morning, I regret to inform). And then Autopia, Wired.com's car blog, spread the word.

And the fun began.

Suffice it to say that Autopia's readers exibit little of the earnest enthusiasm of the official entrants. Compare the two sets of comments and judge for yourself.

My favorites: Lame Green, Data Gathering Blue Disguised As a Contest Green, and Socialist Red ("Darn right we should be able to name it we paid for it").

And special credit to Some Guy, who submitted "Can't Afford to Hire Our Own Marketing Firm Green" on the GM site.

Hat tip: Anthony Shore, who commented on LinkedIn: "It's a contest. What could possibly go wrong?"

Pharma Friday

For the condition your condition is in:

1. Have you seen the full-page newspaper ads for HUMIRA (yes, they use all caps), the rheumatoid arthritis drug from Abbott Laboratories that promises to put the fun back in dishwashing? Seriously: There's a photo of blue household gloves up in the corner, and a headline that chirps, "Doing Dishes Could Be a Splash ... and is just one of the daily activities you may be able to do with less pain and stiffness." Last month the San Francisco Chronicle's Jon Carroll devoted a column to the absurdities in that ad—the list of risks and contraindications covers just about everything short of leprosy. But he didn't address my own quibble: When you turn the page and read the legal boilerplate, you see this heading: HUMIRA® (HU-MARE-AH). Huh? I would have said hu-meer-ah or hu-my-rah, but there's no way I would pronounce an i like an a. So what gives? Here's my theory: Humira (I refuse to yield to the all-caps mandate) is a semi-acronym for Human Monoclonal Antibody in Rheumatoid Arthritis. If it were a real acronym, it would be spelled HuMAiRA ... and pronounced Hu-mare-ah, as prescribed. Someone deleted the a but forgot to alter the pronunciation. (P.S. Forget about dishwashing gloves: One of the contraindications is an allergy to latex.)

2. They may spell it AcipHex, with a capital H to tip us off to pH balance, but it's still pronounced ass effects. Which would be fine if it were a hemorrhoid medication, but it's not. (Hat tip: Barry Nordin.) UPDATE: See Wishydig's 2008 post on the reasoning (?) behind AcipHex.

3. Drug name or soccer team? Take the quiz. I scored 100 percent, which is either fantastic or pathetic. (Hat tip: Anthony Shore.)

4. Talk about designer drugs: Create your own, named for you and customized for symptoms of your choosing. Say hello to Nancitol, the answer to itchy, flaky thorax, vermilion rashes, and difficulty ruminating! (Hat tip: Karen at Verbatim.)

The Game of the Name

I'm not in the target market for this game—I don't have kids—but I want it anyway, because it would be an excellent addition to my name-development toolkit:

 

From the description:

Imagine if a bakery merged with barber shop. What would you call the new business? Bread Heads?... Cookie Cutters?... How about Shave 'n Cream? Think up these and other creative answers in this hilarious party game where naming is the name of the game. Randomly select two different business cards and then try to come up with a clever name for their unlikely merger. If your name wins the most votes, you're the boss!

Hey, naming is always the name of my game! And I love being the boss! Especially when I control all the votes.

(Thanks to Karen at Verbatim.)

Rename Liberty University

Liberty University, which calls itself an "independent, fundamentalist Baptist university located in Lynchburg, Virginia," recently disbanded the school's College Democrats when the chapter refused to affiliate with an anti-abortion group. To some observers, that sounds like the opposite of liberty. (Not to mention a violation of the rules for federal tax-exempt status.) So Dan Casey, metro columnist for the Roanoke Times, is sponsoring a contest to rename Liberty U. First prize is an autographed copy of Jon Winokur's The Big Book of Irony (which, ironically, is a small book—and an indispensable reference).

I'm sure Fritinancy readers will have some excellent suggestions for Dan, so why not go over to his blog right now and enter the contest? Deadline is Monday, June 8, 12.01 a.m. EDT.

There are some amusing nominations already. I especially like SSA University ("ASS" backward). And there would be a certain poetic justice to naming the college after its founder, the late Rev. Jerry Falwell. Yes, Falwell University: FU in headlines and on scoreboards.

Or how about Hypocrisy College? Sanctimony Tech? Everyone But U.?

For extra credit (and fun), I'm accepting nominations for a motto for the renamed institution. Latin, mock-Latin, or Pig Latin preferred. Leave a comment below.

UPDATE and reminder: If you want your comment to be published, you must include an authentic email address. The email address is for my eyes only; it tells me that you're legitimate and reachable in case of questions. No email address, no published comment.

UPDATE #2: For the last couple of days TypePad, which hosts this blog, has been automatically removing commenters' URLs. I've filed a Help ticket and have been assured the problem will be fixed. When it is, I'll paste in any URLs that were stripped out. (This applies only to those commenters who have websites or blogs that you'd like viewers to know about.) My apologies!

UPDATE #3: This nonobservant Jew hadn't known there was a special Christian definition of "liberty."

UPDATE #4: In an email, columnist Dan Casey informed me that Liberty University's motto is "Knowledge Aflame." I offer this information in hopes it spurs your creativity. (See the official seal  here; it's configured to prevent copying, which kinda figures.)

Q + A = X(mas)

I don't celebrate Christmas, but I'm in favor of seasonal merriment. Here are a few options for the too-old-for-Legos crowd:

1. The Tensor explains it all: As in previous years, the Tensor answers all the unanswered questions from Slate's Explainer column. And not a moment too soon, because you wouldn't want to end the year without solving conundrums like this one:

Q:  How did early man deal with growing toe and fingernails?

A:  Early manicures.

(Of course I'd pick that one. I have a thing for man-words.)

2. San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll presents his 28th annual Christmas Quiz. It's as challenging as ever, but allow me to say that if you've been using Fritinancy as directed, you'll know the answer to Question No. 7. (All the answers will be published in Jon's Friday column on SFGate.com.)

3. Finally, in the spirit of those Mac vs. PC commercials, here's Christmas vs. Chanukah. 

I'm off to the movies. See you Monday.

 

Inspiration Needed. Six Words Only, Please

If President-elect Obama's inaugural address could be only six words long, what should those words be?

SMITH Magazine  (famous for its anthology of six-word memoirs) and the National Constitution Center are co-sponsoring a contest to find "Six Words to Inspire a Nation," and everyone's invited to play:

In six words, give him guidance. Or offer ideas for his inaugural address. Or share six memorable words for January 20th and beyond.

In six words, a President can say a lot: "Malice toward none, charity for all," "Nothing to fear but fear itself," "Like a thousand points of light."

So give your speechwriting a try.

Post your entry here. Deadline is Jan. 5, 2009. The winner will receive a copy of the six-word memoir book, Not Quite What I Was Planning, and a one-year membership in the National Constitution Center.

(Hat tip: Freakonomics blog.)

"What's It Called?": The Answer

Yesterday's question: What is the familiar name of the device originally patented as the "X-Y Position Indicator for a Display System"?

The answer: The computer mouse.

It was 40 years ago today—Dec. 9, 1968 — that the mouse made its public debut at the San Francisco Convention Center*. Douglas Engelbart of Stanford Research Institute brought about 1,000 computer aficionados in the audience to their feet after his demonstration of the world's first personal computer.

According to a page-one story in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle:

The invention featured rudimentary windows and hyperlinks that allowed jumping from one document to another, as well as the ability to edit text and add graphics on a video monitor. The presentation also offered a peek at future computer networks that would become the Internet.

"No one has ever before or since seen such a collection of great ideas in one demonstration," said SRI President and CEO Curt Carlson.

Although Engelbart received the patent for his mouse, he was not its original creator. That honor goes to his SRI colleague Bill English, who built the paleo-mouse device in 1964.

It consisted of a small pine box equipped with a red clicker button on top and two wheels placed at right angles underneath that regulated the electric current that moved the cursor, then called the "bug."

No one is sure who on the small team coined the term "mouse" for the little box with a wire coming out, English said. But the name stuck once it was introduced.

"A small box with a tail coming out - you might as well call it a mouse," said English, who figured out how to construct the device based on a sketch that Engelbart had drawn in 1961.

The 1968 event—known to computer historians as "the mother of all demos" —will be commemorated at Stanford this afternoon in an event titled "Engelbart and the Dawn of Interactive Computing: SRI's Revolutionary 1968 Demo." Engelbart and other computing pioneers are expected to attend.

For reference: Forty years ago, Bill Gates was 12 years old. Steve Jobs was 13. According to the NameWire blog, Apple bought the license for the mouse a couple of years after Engelbart's patent expired. The price? Just $40,000.

Watch Doug Engelbart's original demo and read the 1968 announcement of his presentation.

Listen to "Forty Years of the PC," a panel discussion on KQED-FM with listener participation. (Audio up later today.)

Image of Engelbart's original mouse schematic from JansenPrice, which proposes that the mouse be renamed the XYPI (pronounced "zippy"), an acronym of X-Y Position Indicator.

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* I'm not sure what or where this building was. The current convention center, named for assassinated mayor George Moscone, was completed in 1981. Before Moscone Center, some San Francisco conventions (such as the 1964 Republican Convention) were held at the Cow Palace, originally known as the California State Livestock Pavilion.

What's It Called?

Question: What is the familiar name of the device originally patented as the "X-Y Position Indicator for a Display System"?

Answer tomorrow.

More Magazine Names

Reader Barry Nordin left a comment the other day to inform us that my little aptronymic magazine-naming contest is enjoying a second life, not on Second Life but in a community forum on the very enjoyable Wordcraft site.

These folks are really good! A few of my favorites:

Meriwether: The Professional Journal for Gay Meteorologists

Glen: Landscaping for English Gentlemen (and also Gwen: Wandscaping for Wispers)

Barack: The Soldier's Home Journal

Claude: The Cat-lover's Weekly

Si: For Nostalgia Buffs

Dinah: Bostonian's Guide to Eating Out

Brandon: Everything for the Round-Up

While we're at it, how about Mag: The Journal of Periodicals?

We Have a Winner!

Thanks to everyone who played last week's Fritinancy naming contest. You really turned on the creativity!

Before I announce the winner, here's a recap of the contest rules:

- must be a personal name, like "Sue"

- that has at least two meanings

- one of which is aptronymic—suitable for a profession (as "Sue" is for female litigators)

Go to the comments on the original post to read all the submissions, which take up at least two screens. I want to tip my hat to the two most prolific contestants, Nick (11 names) and Tom (37!). Good going, guys. You've mastered the cardinal rule of naming: To create a good name, you need to create a lot of names.

Another hat tip to Michael, who logged his second submission (Bill for You collection agency) just under the midnight deadline. (UPDATE: Submitted after the deadline, but so good I can't resist including it, is Erin's Hank: For Male Knitters.)

Four people submitted their own names. Nick suggested that Nick magazine could be subtitled "Shavers Weekly." (More like "For Masochistic Shavers," I'd say.) Josh Forman nominated Josh: The Magazine for Comedians. And Mark Gunnion, a namer himself, submitted Mark: The magazine for folks who dream up names and trademarks. Rod thought his own name would be a good title for a publication about high-performance auto parts.

I got a chuckle out of Orange's Ms. Ed (for manuscript editors). It doesn't quite follow the rules, but it's damned clever—no surprise from an accomplished puzzle person like Ms. Orange.

Andrea Carla Michaels, another puzzle maven (and a professional name developer to boot), offered a double pun with a Biblical twist: Abel: For the Physically Challenged (Get rid of that Cane!).

With so much talent on display, it was challenging to come up with winners. The runners-up, in random order:

1. Devon, who's with Minneapolis naming and branding agency Pollywog, submitted several gems. My favorite was Mort: The Magazine for Funeral Directors. Dark, pithy, and un petit peu français.

2. SSFC, who writes a fine (and new-to-me) blog called Feral Child, made me laugh out loud with Hector: The Journal of the Association of School Psychologists. There must be a painful story associated with that choice, but it's funny nonetheless.

3. Barry Nordin displayed an admirable mordant streak with Bob: The Magazine for Mohels.

And the grand prize winner, who will receive a copy of Things That Make Us [Sic], is...

Tim Hicks!

All of Tim's submissions (Bernie: For Arsonists, Wanda: The Magazine for Wishful Thinkers, etc.) showed flair. The cream of the crop, though—punny, topical, bilingual, and just subtle enough to make you think —is Hussein: The Gossip Magazine.

Who's sayin'? I'm sayin'.

Thanks to everyone! I hope we can do it again soon.

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In other news, I will be offline for the next few days. I'll be back Monday with a new Word of the Week.