Fritinancy

How I Roll

Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.

From The Rut, via Beancounters (del.icio.us).

Word of the Week: Emanata

Emanata: Lines and squiggles that emanate from a cartoon character or object to indicate any of a variety of states of being.

Emanata was coined by the American cartoonist Mort Walker (born 1923), creator of the long-running comic strips Beetle Bailey and Hi and Lois. In his Lexicon of Comicana, (1980), Walker introduced a number of invented words, including:

Plewds: teardrop shapes emanating from a character's head to express embarrassment or worry.

Blurgit: a combination of symbols expressing speed and action.

Neoflects: short, straight lines around an object to indicate that it's brand-new.

Jarns, quimps, nittles, and grawlixes: the squiggles, stars, and other glyphs that substitute for curse words.

Although the Lexicon of Comicana was originally written as a satire of cartoonists' stock devices, it's used today as a textbook for art students.

More on Mort Walker's comic lexicon.

Image from Lexicon of Comicana.

Starting Date: Yesterday

Job listing on Craigslist: 

Date: 2008-07-08, 5:25PM PDT

i can't spell and don't do grammer good and need a freelance. this will be an ongoing freelance gig.

Hat tip: CBrown.

 

Bespoke Evergreen Solutions

I really want to see WALL-E, but I really don't want to watch it with 10,000 yodeling urchins. So for now I'm consoling myself with this brilliant bit of parodic corpspeak from BuynLarge.com, the fictional conglomerate that manufactures WALL-E and its kindred robots (including NANC-E, my favorite -- duh!).

Core Values

Buy n Large believes in focusing brand responses into leveraging consumer enhancement and nurturing emotional or cognitive customer satisfaction across the entire retail framework, while magnifying dynamic industry expansion into bespoke evergreen solutions. Our ability to harness visionary synergies and optimize out-of-the-box systems has created a dynamic process where we construct revolutionary architectures that redefine communities and cultivate integrated markets. Because we continually utilize global action points that enable 24/7 systems, our ability to engineer scalable methodologies is now second to none. At Buy n Large, it's always been important for us to incubate leading-edge action points and unleash best-of-breed relationships. Our focus has always been to strategize solutions that will enable our customers to harness collaborative relationships while we transparently utilize extensible models.

With all that harnessing and best-of-breeding, perhaps they'll scale into buggy whips.

Help Wanted

Job posting on Gigbert (Boston area): monkey typists pay: $100 due: today, 12pm (2 hours) looking for a monkey who can bang on my keyboard to try to find the one random sequence of characters that is not yet taken as a domain name.

Photo: Uncyclopedia.

(Via Joho the Blog (David Weinberger.)

S.O.B. Story

Roy Blount Jr. in the July Esquire on why "son-of-a-bitch" is better than "asshole":

"Son of a bitch" carries gravitas accumulated over centuries. An asshole is just an asshole, a hapless chump, a pointlessly obnoxious hindrance. An asshole can be an evil schemer, but he or she can't be a worthy opponent. If an asshole gets over on you, you feel dumped on. If a son of a bitch beats you, you can live with it. You've probably learned something.

... Hold your nose and say "asshole." Sounds like, takes one to know one. The second syllable, if it stood alone, would sound expansive, like whole, soul, roll, from pole to pole, and goal. The emphasis, however, is on the first syllable: that flat-to-nasal a and the hissy two s's.

"Son of a bitch," on the other hand, starts with a little hiss but goes on to rhyme with gun and then luvvah, rolls over a solid b bump, picks up that tight-tough it -- as in git, hit, and chickenshit -- and then comes down on that great crunchy ch sound, as in you betcha, snatch, crotch, and hootch-a-ma-cootch.

Elsewhere in the issue: more on the A-word, the last word on douchebag¹, and an appreciation of faygeleh. The print edition has an impressive chart of the relative frequency of various epithets, 1996 through 2006.

Read my own consideration of words formed from ass.

___

¹ With an unfortunate apostrophe error in the intro. R.I.P, copy desk.

Simpsons Brand-o-Rama 2

Back for more fun with fictitious brands from The Simpsons! This year's edition includes brands spotted in The Simpsons Movie, which was released in July 2007 and is now available on DVD. I've also added some new categories: publishing, civic life, culture, industry, military, and sports and recreation. And I've expanded the transportation category; it's now called Travel and Lodging. Dates, when available, refer to original broadcast. Thanks to everyone who left suggestions and comments on the original post, and special thanks to linguist Heidi Harley, whose posts on Simpsons linguistic phenomena inspired this quixotic endeavor.

Food and Beverage

Sconewall Bakery (in Springfield's gay neighborhood; hat tip: Neal Whitman)

Dr. Hippie's Fungus Yums (what Lisa gives to Bart when he decides to give up meat; "Apocalypse Cow," 4/27/08)

Lobsterpolitan (what Homer gets when he asks bartender Moe for "the fanciest drink you got"; "Midnight Towboy," 10/7/07)

Tannen's Fatty Meats (in Springfield's Lower East Side)

Tomacco (Homer's tomato-tobacco hybrid, created when he fertilizes his tomato and tobacco fields with plutonium."E-I-E-I [Annoyed Grunt]," 11/7/99. Although Homer's production method was fictional, in 2003 a real farmer, Rob Baur of Lake Oswego, Oregon, successfully grafted a tomato plant onto the roots of a tobacco plant.)

Beef-O-Ghetti (made in Springfield's Little Italy)

Pepsi B ("for export only"; "Eight Misbehaving," 11/21/99; hat tip: Dave Blake)

The Clogger (new offering from Krusty burger; slogan: "If you can find a greasier burger, you're in Mexico"; The Simpsons Movie)

Fudd Beer (which made all those hillbillies go blind; "Colonel Homer," 3/26/92 (hat tip: Flick)

Chippos (hat tip: Pete K.)

Gorilla's Choice bananas (hat tip: George Cauldron)

Krusty O's Cereal ("Now with a free jagged metal O in every box!" Hat tip: James)

Restaurants and Bars

Live Free or Diner (in New Hampshire; "E Pluribus Wiggum," 1/6/08)

General Chang's Taco Italiano (on Fast Food Alley; "E Pluribus Wiggum")

Dead Lobster ("E Pluribus Wiggum")

Captain Corn Dog Schnitzel Palace ("E Pluribus Wiggum")

Chili Blasters ("E Pluribus Wiggum")

Vesuvius Pizza ("E Pluribus Wiggum")

Shez Parie

Bob's Big Poi Hawaiian restaurant ("Days of Wine and D'oh'ses," 4/9/00)

Taj Mah-All-You-Can-Eat ("Dial N for Nerder," 3/17/08)

Flaming Meaux ("Flaming Moe," 3/5/92. Hat tip: David Griner of AdFreak)

The Cloth Napkin

Texas Cheesecake Depository (hat tip: Darrin)

Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag ("...which narrowly escaped being named Chairman Moe's Magic Wok or Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker." Hat tip: Seymour Butz. Really, that's what he wrote.)

House of Pressed Fish

A Taste of Serbia

Mussolini & Frank's (parody of famous Hollywood hangout Musso & Frank Grill)

Have It Uruguay

The London Broil

Thai Food Factory ("formerly Petco")

Iraq E. Cheese (parody of Chuck E. Cheese)

Gulp 'n' Blow Drive-Through ("I Married Marge," 12/26/91)

The Zesty Fork (The Simpsons Movie)

Red Rash Inn (The Simpsons Movie)

Eski-Moe's (The Simpsons Movie)

Buffet the Hunger Slayer ("The Homer of Seville," 9/30/07)

T.G.I. Fried Eggs ("The Homer of Seville")

Griddler on the Roof ("The Homer of Seville")

Luftwaffles ("The Homer of Seville")

Tipsy McStagger's Good Time Drinking and Eating Emporium ("Flaming Moe," 3/5/92)

Bodacious Frittatas ("The Homer of Seville")

At the Mall (and on Main Street)

Tatters: Clothes for Orphans ("G.I. [Annoyed Grunt]", 11/12/06)

House of No Refunds ("G.I. [Annoyed Grunt]")

Electronics, Etc.

The Sole Provider (a shoe store whose manager is named, ahem, Mr. Friedman; "G.I. [Annoyed Grunt])

Snooze at 11 (mattress store; "Husbands and Knives," 11/18/07)

Mook Mart (convenience store in Guidopolis; "Midnight Towboy," 10/07/07)

Restoration Software ("Ice Cream of Margie [With the Light Blue Hair]," 11/26/06)

Crazy E.T.'s Phone Home (a blend of Crazy Eddie's and the movie E.T.; "Ice Cream of Margie," 11/26/06)

The Brushes Are Coming, The Brushes Are Coming ("Blood Feud," 7/11/91)

Boob Tubery (where Homer buys a satellite dish in "Bart vs. Lisa vs. 3rd Grade," 11/17/02)

Noiseland Arcade (The Simpsons Movie)

Dome Depot (The Simpsons Movie)

Try 'n' Save (hat tip: Jared)

Pay and Park and Pay (hat tip: Jared)

Stoner's Pot Palace kitchen store ("A Milhouse Divided," 12/1/96. Stoner Otto's reaction: "Man, that is flagrant false advertising!" Hat tip: Michael)

The Android's Dungeon (managed by Comic Book Guy; hat tip: KitteKaat)

Pool Sharks (motto: Where the Customer Is Our Chum! hat tip: commenter Joe)

Victor's Secret

Queen Victoria's Secret

Sprawl-Mart

Left-Mart (hat tip: Our Bold Hero)

Lackluster Video ("Catch 'Em If You Can," 4/25/05; also used in The Family Guy straight-to-DVD feature "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story")

CostMo

Montgomery Warden

SHØP (IKEA parody)

Circuit Circus (sells Sometimes Ready and Never Ready batteries; "Funeral for a Fiend," 11/25/07)

Nuts Landing pet sterilization clinic ("Today I Am a Clown," 12/7/03)

A Bug's Death (exterminator)

Alternative Knifestyles (cutlery store in Springfield's "gayborhood"; "Three Gays of the Condo," 4/13/03; hat tip: Neal Whitman)

Fab Abs ("Three Gays of the Condo")

Monstromart (hat tip: tanyasingsdido)

Yiddle's Practical Jokes (first seen as Yiddle's Jokes; in Springfield's Lower East Side)

The hammock stores of Cypress Creek: Hammock Hut; Hammocks-R-Us; Put Your Butt There; Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Hat tip: TonyH)

 

Kid Stuff

Boys 'R' Us

Girltech Turbo Diary (what Lisa requests for her birthday on "The Dad Who Knew Too Little," 1/12/03)

Saks Fifth Grade

Krap-E-Latch baby seat ("Moe's Baby Blues," 5/18/03)

Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories (video game that Bart plays with his therapist--voiced by Meg Ryan--in "Yokel Chords," 3/4/07)

J.R.R. Toykins (toy store in Springfield Mall)

Adults Only

Maison Derriere ("Are they talkin' about the bordello?" "No, the burlesque house!"; "Bart After Dark," 11/24/96; episode features the song "We Put the Spring in Springfield." Hat tip: Seymour Butz)

Sh*tKickers (which Marge pronounces "Shotkickers"; the cowboy bar she goes to in "Marge on the Lam," 11/4/93. Hat tip: Stephen Ockham)

Entertainment

The Opal Show (whose hostess, Opal--an Oprah Winfrey parody--has a boyfriend named Straightman)

The Palm Springfield Report

Ruffintumble's Fun Zone

Rancho Relaxo (just outside Springfield)

"One Guy Named Moe" (show in Springfield's Theater District)

Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick in $$$ (show in Springfield's Theater District)

"Stab-A-Lot: The Itchy & Scratchy Musical" (show in Springfield's Theater District)

Itchy & Scratchy Land (slogan: Built by Imagination and Non-Union Labor; subdivided into Torture Land, Explosion Land, Searing Gas Pain Land, Unnecessary Surgery Land; attractions include The Head Basher, The Mangler, The Blood Bath, Tavern on the Scream, The Log Fall, The Baby Ball Pit, and "Laramie Cigarettes Presents the I&S Mine Field)

Bloodbath Gulch Ghost Town (founded by prostitutes in 1849; attractions include Bob's Brothel, Ed's Brothel, Chuck's Brothel, Tom's Brothel, Buck's Brothel, and Ye Olde Animatronic Saloon; "Kidney Trouble," 5/26/02)

Sports and Recreation

Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport (location of Ned Flanders's beach house; "Summer of 4 Ft. 2," 5/19/96)

Camp See-a-Tree (the camp for underprivileged boys where Homer originally met Lenny;"The Way We Weren't," 5/5/04)

Springy (failed mascot of Springfield's failed Olympic bid; "The Old Man and the 'C' Student," 8/12/01)

Springfield Isotopes (baseball team)

Springfield Atoms (football team)

Springfield Gravelarium (pro wrestling)

Association of Springfield Semi-Pro Boxers (ASSBOX) ("The Homer They Fall," 11/10/96)

The Grateful Gelding stables

Hell's Satans motorcycle club

Culture

Chazz Busby Dance Academy (motto: No Fat Chicks) ("Blame It on Lisa," 3/31/02?)

Opera Academy (motto: No Thin Chicks) ("Blame It on Lisa")

Wordloaf (writers' conference in Vermont; parody of Bread Loaf; "Moe 'N'a Lisa," 11/19/06)

The Jazz Hole (hat tip: Wishydig)

Larry's Chinese Theatre (parody of Grauman's/Mann's Chinese Theatre, Hollywood)

Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific Arena (named after a real hair-care brand sold in the 1970s and 1980s--now back by popular demand!)

Louvre: American Style (art gallery whose owner, "Astrid," is voiced by Isabella Rosselini; "Mom & Pop Art," 4/11/99)

Museum of Sadness and Oppression ("The Dad Who Knew Too Little," 1/12/03)

Museum of Suffering

Homer's Museum of Hollywood Jerks ("When You Dish Upon a Star," 11/8/98)

Springfield Museum (motto: Truth, Knowledge, Gift Shop)

Springsonian Museum (motto: Where the Elite Meet Magritte)

Museum of Sand Paper

Museum of Barnyard Oddities

Museum of Crime (featuring the hippie pot-party exhibit; "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson," 5/18/97)

Industry

Abbatoir & Costello slaughterhouse (motto Where Cows Go from Moo to You; "Apocalypse Cow," 4/27/08)

Burns Construction (motto: Building Cheaply, Charging Dearly;  11/26/06)

Motherloving Sweets and Sugar Company ("Sweet and Sour Marge," 1/20/02)

Southern Cracker (tagline: The Dryyyyyy Cracker; ...)

Groovy Grove Juice Corp. ("D'oh-in' in the Wind," 11/15/98)

Burnsodyne (tagline: The Profit People). Burnsodyne subsidiaries include Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Little Lisa Recycling Plant, Monty Burns Casino, and Burns Construction Co. (tagline: Building a Better Tomorrow, for Him)

International Brotherhood of Jazz Dancers, Pastry Chefs, and Nuclear Technicians Local 643 ("Last Exit to Springfield," 3/11/93)

Publishing

Fretful Mother magazine (hat tip: Karl Weber)

Angelica Button and the Teacup of Terror (Harry Potter parody; "Smoke on the Daughter," 3/30/08)

Angelica Button and the Deadly Denouement

Angelica Button and the Dragon King's Trundle Bed

The Harpooned Heart (romance novel written by Marge; "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife," 1/25/04)

How to Seduce Your Lousy, Lazy Husband

Will There Ever Be a Rainbow? (Montgomery Burns's autobiography; "Blood Feud," 7/11/91)

Who Wants to Be a Brazillionaire? (book Marge reads on the flight to Brazil; "Blame It on Lisa," 3/31/02)

Military

Operation Enduring Occupation (parody of Occupation Enduring Freedom; in "The Day the Earth Looked Stupid" segment of Treehouse of Horror XVII, 11/5/06, aliens Kang and Kodos wonder why they aren't greeted as liberators)

Fort Clinton ("not that Clinton") ("G.I. [Annoyed Grunt]," 11/12/06)

Fort Fragg ("Brother's Little Helper," 3/5/00)

Fort Springfield (motto: Proud Home of Secret Civilian Mail Opening Project) "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song," 4/27/94)

Civic Life

Springfield town motto: "A Noble Spirit Embiggens the Smallest Man"

State motto: "Not Just Another State"

Little Newark (Springfield neighborhood)

Crackton (Springfield neighborhood)

Tibet Town (Springfield neighborhood)

Ethnictown ("Where hardworking immigrants dream of becoming lazy overfed Americans")

Springfield Tire Yard ("25 Years and Still Burning Strong")

Dalai Lama Expressway

Dead Weasel Road

Michael Jackson Expressway

Warren Harding Memorial Throughhole

XYZ Street (where Homer enters the third dimension in "Homer³," an episode of "Treehouse of Horror VI," 10/29/95)

League of Uninformed Voters ("Sideshow Bob Roberts," 10/9/94)

"Corruptus in extremis" (motto of mayor's office)

"Liberty and justice for most" (courthouse motto)

Health and Beauty

Ferris Bueller's Day of Beauty Salon ("He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs," 11/26/06)

Viagrogaine (the topical rub for bald, impotent men; "Barting Over," 2/16/03)

Stagnant Springs Spa ("The Great Louse Detective," 12/15/03)

Shapes, a Gym for Women (parody of Curves; "Husbands and Knives," 11/18/07)

Lucky Lindy's Hair Pomade (tagline: You'll never fly solo again! Used by Grandpa Abe. Hat tip: Dene.)

Focusin (a drug for attention-deficit disorder; hat tip: Christian)

Dimoxinil (hair-growth tonic; hat tip: Jon)

John Ford Center for Alcoholic Cowboys

 

Travel and Lodging

Crazy Clown Airlines ("Fear of Flying," 12/18/94)

Springfield Airfield ("birthplace of wind shear")

Springfield Travel (agency slogan: "Now Get Outta Here!")

Buck-U-Bus Line ("Half-Decent Proposal," 2/10/02)

Worst Western motel ("Ask about our sheet rental") (The Day the Violence Died," 3/17/96)

Hotel Pillowmint (where The Who stayed) ("A Tale of Two Springfields," 11/5/00)

Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn (slogan: We're Now Rat Free) ("Some Enchanted Evening," date tk)

Aphrodite Inn (fantasy room and conference center; includes Camelot Room, Safari Room, Arabian Nights Room, Pharoah's Chamber, Caveman Room, Utility Room)

Sleep-Eazy Motel (some letters are burned out so that the sign reads "Sleazy Motel"; "The Cartridge Family," hat tip: Julia)

Real Estate

Pressboard Estates

Recluse Ranch Estates

 

Education

Springwarts School of Magic ("Wiz Kids" segment of "Treehouse of Horror XII," 11/6/01)

Spellzapoppin' (the school play in "Wiz Kids")

Springfield Christian School (motto: We Put the Fun in Fundamentalist Dogma)

Bovine University

Little Ludwig's Music School

Eastside Ruff-Form School (canine obedience school in "Bart's Dog Gets an F," 3/7/91)

Professor Von Bowser's Sanitarium For Dogs

St. Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls ("Bart's Friend Falls in Love," 5/7/92)

Swigmore University (where Moe studied bartending; "Homer the Moe," 11/18/01)

Homer Simpson Showboating Academy

Dude!

Has there ever been a more expressive syllable? "Pearls Before Swine," the daily comic by Stephen Pastis, thinks not:

 

Click image to enlarge.    

(Hat tip: MJF.)

Earlier this year, dude featured prominently in another comic, Patrick McDonnell's "Mooch," which paid tribute to the Jeff Bridges character in The Big Lebowski.

More on the Dude Lexicon from the Fritinancy archives. And check out the Language Log archives here, here, and especially here, a chart of the relative frequency of dude as spelled with different numbers of u's.

June Linkfest

It actually feels like summer around here for a change, as opposed to the customary June Gloom, so these solstice links are even more solsticious:

1. I've submitted captions to the New Yorker cartoon-caption contest but have never come close to winning. Obviously, what I needed was a system like the one used by recent winner Patrick House, who reveals his secrets in "How to Win the New Yorker Caption Contest," in Slate. His mantra: "You are not trying to write the funniest caption; you are trying to win The New Yorker's caption contest."

2. Q. Pheevr's swell "What Mama Don't Allow, Linguistically Speaking" is a treat for blues-loving linguistics geeks. Here's a verse to give you a taste; be sure to read all the comments, too:

Mama don't allow no back-formation round here.
No, Mama don't allow no back-formation round here.
Well, we don't care what Mama don't allow;
Gonna back-formate anyhow.
Mama don't allow no back-formation round here.

(I have a few verses of my own I'd like to add, but I'm confounded by Q. Pheevr's comment format, which seems to be in Swedish. If you're reading this, Q, please send help!)

3. I'm still having fun with Twitter, the microblogging service that limits posts, called "tweets," to 140 characters. (Try it yourself: sign up--it's free--and then follow my tweets by typing Fritinancy in the search field.) Twitter has a serious side, too, as Craig Stoltz explains in How Twitter Finally Taught Me to Be an Editor. Craig writes: "I find that every time I sit down to write a meaningful Tweet I hone my craft a bit more."

4. Twitter has also spawned a subgenre: Twaiku, or haiku posted on Twitter. Take a look at this fan wiki for definitions and inspiration.

5. Discover the meanings of balatronic, croodle, pinquescence, and more at Obsolete Word of the Day.

6. More fully researched, and thus more conducive to frittering, is Worthless Word for the Day (or WWFTD, pronounced "wifted"), which recently posted guerdon ("reward"), the winning word in the 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee. Use the drop-down menu in the upper-right-hand corner to search the WWFTD dictionary, read the "worthless disclaimer," and pleasantly waste more time. (Update: link has been fixed, per comment.)

7. Lifehacker's "Best Online Tools for Word Nerds" includes some resources previously acknowledged in this blog as well as some that were new to me, including What Does That Mean? and Definr. (Hat tip: Kirinqueen.)

8. Wordcraft claims to have the largest list of eponyms on the web, but that's just the beginning. Wander around and discover lists of Christmas-carol words (gladsome, roundelay, swathe, etc.), "German lingo of mental states" (Anschauung, sprachgefühl, gemütlich, etc.) and "words concerning anti-black discrimination" (redlining, Beulah land, DWB, etc.) Excellent discussion board, too. (Hat tip: Goofy, via the Wordcraft discussion board.)

Declaration of Independence

Here's what I've come to expect from Online Etymology Dictionary, which calls itself "a map of the wheel- ruts of modern English" and which counts among its sources the Oxford English Dictionary (second edition) and Holthauzen's Etymologisches Wörterbuch der Englischen Sprache:

• An authoritative analysis of word origins
• An objective, academic, rather staid writing style
• An even-handed approach to the many varieties of English used throughout the world. 

Which is to say, I was startled to come across this partisan entry:

gaol

 see jail, you tea-sodden football hooligan.