One X at a Time

Remember 360 Vodka's twist on the formulaic "X-ing the Y, One Z at a Time"?

360vodka_outdoor_3

(Sorry I couldn't find a bigger photo; the slogan reads "Saving the planet, one glass at a time.")

When I wrote about it last September, I cited ten other examples of this sloganclone (my term for a commercial snowclone--a specific type of cliché).

Here's a new variation I spotted the other day:

OneShrimpAtATime

The snowclone "Changing the [world/earth/planet], one X at a time" appears to be more common than "Saving the [world/earth/planet], one X at a time" (584,000 Google hits for the first, with the "world" variant; 181,000 for the second). Snowclone queen Erin O'Connor includes "Saving the world, one X at a time" in her snowclones queue--a long list of snowclones awaiting analysis.

It Is. (What?) It Is!

Good thing I was on foot when I spotted this billboard:

It_is_what_it_is

Because if I'd been toodling by at 30 mph I'd have either (a) thought it was graffiti of zero interest, or (b) been so distracted by "Certified Pre-Owned" vs. "Used" (meaning? and so what?) that I'd have missed what's going on in the lower right-hand corner.

Oh yeah: Grape-Nuts.

You may need to click and enlarge to see the accompanying text: It is what it is in red, "hand-scrawled" type, and this URL: NoGrapesNoNuts.com.

Go ahead and click the link. I'll wait.

Back so soon? Have you recovered from the vertigo induced by that gently oscillating background? Have you decided whether the site is too cool for a brand that's been around since 1898? Not cool enough? Did it make you hungry for a big bowl of NoGrapesNoNuts? Did it answer your questions about the product's name?

OK, I'll spare you the tortured self-questioning and the NoAffectNoInfo Web experience. Here's Straight Dope (from way back in 1982) on how Grape-Nuts got its name. (Short version: grape sugar, nutty flavor.)

Because what really interests me about this Grape-Nuts campaign is the slogan: "It Is What It Is." Which means ... what, exactly? No, it isn't grapes. No, it isn't nuts. It's ... what it is.

Now, Grape-Nuts may be the first brand to appropriate "It is what it is" for commercial purposes (is it? actually, I don't know), but I'd be deeply disappointed to learn that a copywriter was paid and attaboyed to create it. Because selecting "It is what it is" is like playing buzzword bingo in the office. Haven't heard someone say it yet today? Don't worry; you will.

Besides, there's something sort of defeated-sounding about "It is what it is" for a century-old cereal brand. You want excitement, stimulation, flavor? Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Covering the Congressional steroid hearings a few months ago for Slate, Douglas McCollam called "It is what it is" "a sports cliché for our times." Coaches and players wield it shamelessly. Politicians, especially the Bush gang, love it, too: it allows them to sound thoughtful without, you know, having to think. McCollam couldn't identify a single point of origin for the phrase, but found published citations going back to 1996. And much earlier: "Indeed, in An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, philosopher John Locke wrote that 'essence may be taken for the very being of anything, whereby it is what it is.'"

Just last week, also in Slate, Ron Rosenbaum tackled the general subject of catchphrases, observing that "our language has become more catchphrase-driven, catchphrase-focused. So much so that catchphrase self-consciousness has become a phenomenon of its own." I urge anyone interested in language to read the whole article, which covers a lot of ground and, like all of Rosenbaum's writing, is laugh-out-loud funny (as they say). Here, though, I want to focus on Rosenbaum's four stages of catchphrase use: from Stage 1 ("when you first hear a phrase and take pleasure in its imaginative use of language on the literal and metaphorical level") to Stage 4 ("terminal obsolescence, dead phrase walking"). "At the end of the day" is in the latter category, Rosenbaum writes:

It kind of stuns me whenever I find someone still saying "at the end of the day" with a straight face. What are they, stuck on stupid, as they say?

But there's a worse fate than Stage 4, and "it is what it is" is consigned to it:

And then there's the danger that arises when Stage-4, zombie catchphrases that have previously been confined to a subculture escape their niche. We recently saw this happen with "It is what it is," which used to be an all-purpose coach-speak sports-night cliché. But since then, it's broken out and become a wise-sounding but profoundly empty surrogate for wisdom and perspective all too often used by idiot consultants and talking-head political pundits who seek to make themselves sound both worldly and gurulike: "It is what it is." To which one wants to say, using a monosyllabic catchphrase that is a particular favorite of mine and deserves its longevity: "Duh."

At least "It is what it is" doesn't suggest that the is-ness in question is good or bad; it's just that you can't argue it doesn't exist. Is "It is what it is" pop existentialism, at once an acknowledgement of the tragic immutability of being and a challenge to us to "take arms against a sea of troubles," as some well-known guy once said? Or is it an Eastern quietism, a rationale for resignation?

...A lasting catchphrase often earns its longevity because it has some philosophical question buried in it that hooks us. "It is what it is" is something I struggle with: How much should I accept in an "It's all good" way? Much of the time I'd much prefer if "it" isn't what "it" is. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. As they say.

So put that in your bowl of cereal and chew on it. Myself, I like my Grape-Nuts au nuke: cover with milk, heat in the microwave for about two minutes. Tasty! 

Bonus link #1: Andy Griffiths and Don Knotts in a 1964 Grape-Nuts commercial embedded into an episode of "The Andy Griffiths Show." You thought integrated advertising was something new? Hah!

Bonus link #2: Euell Gibbons shilling for Grape-Nuts ("reminds me of wild hickory nuts!") in a 1974 TV spot.

Bespoke Evergreen Solutions

I really want to see WALL-E, but I really don't want to watch it with 10,000 yodeling urchins. So for now I'm consoling myself with this brilliant bit of parodic corpspeak from BuynLarge.com, the fictional conglomerate that manufactures WALL-E and its kindred robots (including NANC-E, my favorite -- duh!).

Core Values

Buy n Large believes in focusing brand responses into leveraging consumer enhancement and nurturing emotional or cognitive customer satisfaction across the entire retail framework, while magnifying dynamic industry expansion into bespoke evergreen solutions. Our ability to harness visionary synergies and optimize out-of-the-box systems has created a dynamic process where we construct revolutionary architectures that redefine communities and cultivate integrated markets. Because we continually utilize global action points that enable 24/7 systems, our ability to engineer scalable methodologies is now second to none. At Buy n Large, it's always been important for us to incubate leading-edge action points and unleash best-of-breed relationships. Our focus has always been to strategize solutions that will enable our customers to harness collaborative relationships while we transparently utilize extensible models.

With all that harnessing and best-of-breeding, perhaps they'll scale into buggy whips.

Three-Word Slogans, Part 2

Turns out that corporate America isn't the only place you'll find those meaningless slogans consisting of three imperative verbs. The pseudonymous Melvin Quince, posting at Language Log, reports with some dismay that he recently attended a linguistics conference whose slogan, emblazoned on each participant's "fancy folder," was:

Innovate ·  Connect ·  Achieve

"I stared at the unrequested folder for some time, thinking of Orwell," Quince writes,"and trying to imagine what ghastly school of business management Newspeak must have spawned the slogan."

He reacted as many of us do when exhorted by similar tripartite commands:

The slogan served only to make me feel somewhat distracted, bullied, and alienated. I resolved to disobey. I refused to innovate throughout the weekend; I did only things I had done before, like slipping out of sessions early to down a manhattan. I connected as little as possible. And I did not attempt to achieve.

Commenter Marc offers "the perfect antidote" to these slogans and other "B-school nonsense"--Despair.com (a distinguished member of my blogroll), whose home page urges us to:

Customize. Personalize. Demoralize.

Word. Word. Word. (Yawn.)

Ever noticed how many companies use this format for their corporate tagline?

Verb. Verb. Verb.

Or maybe they're thinking way out of the box and they opt for:

Verb. Verb. Verb. Verb.

Yeah! Way to innovate!

Spike at the Brains on Fire blog compiled 29 of these interchangeable taglines. Here's a taste (I've added the links):

Connect. Share. Care. (UPHS)
Connect. Share. Grow. (Annese
)
Share. Connect. Grow. (4marks
Connect. Engage. Innovate. (I-Open)
Engage. Learn. Connect. (TeachTown)
Connect. Attract. Engage. (Xuropa)
Create. Share. Discover. Connect. (Fraxi)

Are we connected yet?

Spike sums up:

Here’s a great exercise: take your tagline and put your competitor’s identity mark (logo) above it. Does it fit? Does it work? Then you have a bad tagline.

Hat tip to Thingnamer's Tate Linden, who has more to say on the subject.

___

¹ Notice the nuanced difference between this tagline and the one directly above it. I'll wait while you notice it. Have you noticed it yet? Take your time.

How Dry I Am

I'm aware of today's date, but I think this synopsis from the San Francisco International Film Festival program is meant to be taken seriously:

Saturday, May 3

1:00 Dust

Hartmut Bitomsky (Germany/Switzerland, 2007)

(Staub). For some, dust is business, for some an obsession, for others merely something to be sloughed off, literally, into the environment. Even if we are not aware of it, we all participate in the subject of Dust. Hartmut Bitomsky's fascinated and fascinating documentary exposes the cyclical and relentless nature of dust in interviews with everyone from scientists uncovering its role in the origins of the universe to artists reveling in the discrete beauty of dust bunnies. Throughout, dust is persistent. Whether welcomed or not, it will no doubt always return. -- Rachel Aloy

Oy, Rachel Aloy, I feel your pain. I suspect "the discrete beauty of dust bunnies" will never rival The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie.

It has to be hard to write film-festival program notes. I picture student interns watching gloomy eight-hour Uzbek sagas, scribbling frantically in the dark, and then pacing their garrets in hair-tearing despair. No wonder the capsule reviews are replete with code words (followed by my translations):

Lyrical: I have no idea what the plot was.

Haunting: I spent eight hours in a dark room on a beautiful spring day for this?

Poetic: Couldn't understand a thing.

Exquisitely observed: Bo-ring.

Bleakly beautiful: Bleak.

Richly detailed: Bo-ring.

Meticulous observations: Bo-ring.

Minutely detailed: Bo...ring.

Naturalistic: Unattractive naked bodies.

Shows considerable skill: Remembered to remove the lens cap.

Speaking of reviewers' clichés, the New York Times book blog, Paper Cuts, recently listed "Seven Deadly Words of Book Reviewing" and invited readers to contribute their own nominations. So far, 238 comments. My own pet peeve is luminous prose, unless, of course, we're talking about medieval manuscripts. (Hat tip: Verbatim.)

P.S. There sure are a lot of books with "dust" in their titles. I wonder whether film director Hartmut Bitomsky used The Secret Life of Dust or Dust: A History of the Small and the Invisible in his research. (Yes, Amazon gives you a discount if you buy them together!)

January Linkfest

A few links to amuse you while I spend the next several days offline.

The Tensor (of Tenser, Said the Tensor) answers all the unanswered questions posted by the Explainer at Slate.com. One of the terser Tensor explanations:

Q:  Can a baby get drunk off of nonalcoholic beer?

A:  Only if that baby is a total lightweight.

Designer Corey Holms has created an elegant taxonomy of the animal species in logos. I can't quite place the dog... (Via Jason Kottke.)

On any given Sunday, you're likely to hear one of the well-roasted chestnuts in the Sports Cliché database. Looking for a non-sports cliché? Check out the Political Cliché list or the list of media clichés at Banned for Life. Also useful, if only to know what to avoid: the encyclopediac Cliché Finder maintained by Morgan Friedman (no relation).

Pinsetter, a project of the creative folks at the Chicago ad agency Coudal Partners, lets you express yourself in 1-inch pin-on alphanumeric buttons, just US$1 each, or a complete set of 87 buttons for $39 plus $2 shipping. While you're on the Coudal site, you could do worse than to check out all the other great stuff there, including Lowercase Tee (love that kid-size Obama-bama shirt). I wrote about other Coudal projects here.

Josh Parsons, a lecturer in philosophy at Otago University ("New Zealand's top-ranked university for research"), assigns letter grades to the flags of the world according to some highly subjective and very funny criteria: graven images, colonial nonsense, "makes me nauseous, " etc. The United States gets a C+: "too many stars"; "too busy." (Via Dynamist blog.)

More from the Southern Hemisphere: Derek Abbott, in the School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering at the University of Adelaide, has compiled a table of animal noises in 17 languages, from Dutch to Urdu. Scroll down to see multilingual animal commands and animal pet names.

Xerox Goes Lower Case

New_xerox_logo_2 After more than a century of all capitals, Xerox has introduced a new lower-case logo--or, as the company prefers to put it, "unveiled the most sweeping transformation of its corporate identity in the company's history."

Gone are the elegant, austere, sharply angled sans-serif capitals. In their place are "engaging and approachable" round letters, according to Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy, quoted in the New York Times. The chubby new logo, created by multinational branding agency Interbrand from a proprietary new font called Xerox Sans, comes with its own toy: a red ball marked with a white X. The ball will bounce around in multimedia presentations and, presumably, advertisements; it's supposed to suggest "forward movement and 'a holistic company,'" according to Interbrand strategist Maryann J. Stump. According to Xerox's Mulcahy, the ball "represents the connection to customers, partners, industry and innovation."

Also to stoopball, paddleball, jacks, and other childhood games.

Xerox may be a bubbling font of innovative goodness, but the press release announcing the new look is an insipid stew of corpspeak studded with clichés:

  • customer-centric
  • values-rich
  • content-rich
  • digital marketplace
  • bold statement [is there ever any other kind?]
  • sweeping statement [ah, yes--that kind]
  • leveraging new technologies
  • cutting-edge products
  • unprecedented speeds
  • tech-savvy

In other words, a Xerox copy of all the other Fortune 500 press releases you've ever received.

The Times story is accompanied by an interesting timeline of Xerox's brand evolution. I hadn't known, or remembered, that the company was officially "Haloid Xerox" until 1961.

(Hat tip to Brandflakes for Breakfast.)

Update: Mark Landkamer, a friend and colleague, notes that the Times timeline omitted the "digital X" logo that was created in the 1980s by branding giant Landor--"and which is still better and fresher than what Xerox just came up with":

Digitalx

Snowclones with a Twist

The other day, within a half-mile radius in downtown San Francisco, I spotted four billboards advertising four brands of vodka. The proliferation of vodka brands is an interesting story in itself, but not what I want to talk about here. No, what caught my attention was that three of the four billboards employed snowclones in their slogans.

A snowclone is a formulaic cliché such as "X is the new Y" ("Pink is the new black," "Vodka is the new whiskey"). The term derives from linguist Geoffrey K. Pullum's famous "If Eskimos have N words for snow, then surely X have Y words for Z." Erin O'Connor, also a linguist, has been compiling an ambitious Snowclones Database.

I'd been musing about clones anyway, ever since reading Laura Ries's post on copycat brand strategy. However, I suspect that the creators of advertising sloganclones--as I propose to call them--aren't employing a conscious strategy. More likely they think they're being savvy and original. A little research demonstrates otherwise.

Here are the three sloganclones I spotted. (The fourth billboard, for Russian Standard vodka, simply reads "Pure Russian." Boring and undistinctive, but not a snowclone.)

Svedka_make_cocktailsthumb_2 Svedka--a nicely constructed name for a Swedish vodka, combining three letters from "SvenskeSvenska" (Swedish for "Swedish") and three from "vodka"--is the brand with the buxom "fembot fatale" and the website copy that declares, "It's time to party like its [sic] 2033." The snowclone on Svedka's billboard invites drivers to "Make cocktails not war." (Image via AdRants.)

"Make X Not Y" was popularized as "Make love, not war" by the 1960s counterculture and used by John Lennon in a 1973 song. The phrase is what students of language call a "winged word" that "flies" from its original context into the general culture. It became a snowclone when sloganizers began switching out the nouns to create taglines and headlines such as Make Falafel, Not War (International Herald Tribune), Make Wine, Not War (New York TimesCafé Press, and others), Make Levees Not War, and Make Love Not Spam. (Update: Johnny Cupcakes in Boston sells this Make Cupcakes Not War T-shirt.)

Stolymother The second sloganclone is attached to the oldest brand in this bunch, Stolichnaya, whose handsomely designed ad proclaims Stoli to be "The Mother of All Vodka from the Motherland of Vodka." I'd seen this ad previously, but not since reading my colleague Tate Linden's commentary on "Mother of All X" over at Thingnamer. Tate notes that "Mother of All X" has been used thousands of times to promote products and services since Americans first heard Saddam Hussein threaten the "mother of all battles" during the first Gulf War. (I'm rather fond of "The Mother of All Search Engines" from Mamma.com.) In English, "Mother of ..." carries additional impact: It suggests a no-longer-shocking interjection ("Mother of God!") and the still-somewhat-shocking "motherfucker." Note the kicker at the bottom of the ad: "Choose Authenticity." Rather amusing when you consider how oft-cloned the slogan is.

360vodka_outdoor_3 For me, the most interesting combination of brand name and advertising slogan is 360 Vodka's "Saving the Planet, One Glass at a Time." This 360 Vodka is not to be confused, by the way, with Three Sixty Vodka: The latter comes from Germany and the former, a division of McCormick Distilling, is made in Weston, Missouri. (Want to be really confused? The brand name is 360 Vodka; the URL is vodka360.com. According to public records, vodka360.com changed hands in 2006 for just $1,000. You too can join the party: There are lots more "360" domains for sale here. Herpes360.com, anyone?)

The "360" part may be imitative, but other features of this brand stand out in a crowded field. 360 Vodka calls itself "the world's first green vodka": The liquor itself is clear, but its greenish bottles are made from 85% recycled glass and the distillery "has improved its eco-footprint measurably over the past 5 years." The website is sprinkled with "eco-factoids" such as "The average person generates 4.5 lbs. of trash every day." Remove the closure from a 360 Vodka bottle, mail it back in a prepaid envelope, and the distillery will donate $1 to "recognized environmental causes" through its "Close the Loop" program.

But back to the slogan. Just how popular is the formula "Saving the X, One Y At a Time"? Very. Take a look (note: some of these examples are title-clones):

Saving the World, One Drink at a Time: Martini Groove, a spirits blog

Saving the Planet, One Socket at a Time: Engadget

Saving the Planet One Atom At a Time: Carbon Reclamation Project

Saving the Planet, One Toilet At a Time: The Plumbing Guys

Saving the World, One Treatment At a Time: subtitle of book by Chemo Girl

Saving the Earth One Onesie At a Time: MyConservationBaby

Saving the Planet, One Seed At a Time: various gardening blogs and forums, including this one

Saving the Planet One Job At a Time: CommonGround

Saving the World One Stitch At a Time: Knitting Medic

Saving the Rainforest, One Morsel At a Time: Worldwatch

... and on and on. I also jotted down variations such as "one car at a time," "one flush at a time," "one square of toilet paper at a time," and--because someone had to do it, I guess--"one thong at a time."

If not original, the 360 Vodka snowclone is at least appropriate to the unusual brand story. You could argue that the Stoli snowclone is, too--it has that socialist-realist ring to it, a fitting counterpart to the visual design. Svedka is attempting something different, fashioning a brand that's all about campy futurism--and all attitude and positioning. The antiquated "Make X Not Y" snowclone does communicate campiness, but it's hard to find any futurism there.

Has anyone else spotted snowclones in advertising? Leave a comment and tell us about them.

New Clichés for Old!

On a post I wrote about corporate clichés last November, reader Erika recently left a comment that I enjoyed so much I'm reproducing it here:

Corporate clichés drive me bananas. In protest, I've started using my own. ...

Low hanging beehive
Throw the monkey out with the tricycle
Think outside the equilateral triangle
Get our pigeons in a row
Drink the company Capri-Sun
Lion’s share of the animal crackers

A creative and promising start!

If you'd like to coin your own nouveau clichés, leave comments here. I'll compile them in a future post.

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