“The ultimate goal of any career is to have other people smell like you,” writes columnist Joel Stein—tongue firmly planted in cheek, as usual—in the Feb. 21 issue of Time magazine. “And while I contemplated many methods of accomplishing this, the only scalable one was to create my own fragrance.”
Accordingly, Stein engaged the services of a fragrance consultant, one Kecia Coby, and did some market research at his local Sephora.
Next, we had to decide what to call my cologne. This was tough, since all the good ones were taken: Kimora Lee Simmons’ Fabulosity, Mariah Carey’s Lollipop Bling, Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Lovers Sunshine Cuties Lil’ Angel. Coby and I decided, after much discussion, to call my cologne Snarky, since that seemed a little more playful than my first choice, Joel Stein by Joel Stein.
In related news, Lady Gaga has announced that her first fragrance, still in development, will smell like blood and semen.* What to call it? I nominate “Deflower.”
* Lending new resonance to “eau de toilette.”