Honestly, I didn't intend to renew the lease on this Simpsonian extravamaganza. But then I stumbled upon a new! improved! interactive! map of Springfield with a bunch of brand names I hadn't known about, so here I am again with a new slew of fictitious brands from the longest-running prime-time show on American TV.
If you're just joining us (an example of the relevance conditional, I've learned from Language Log), the original inspiration for this series came from linguist Heidi Harley, who has published an annual Simpsons linguistic joke collection since 2005. If you crave more Simpsons brand nonsense, please to check out Brand-o-Rama 2007 and Brand-o-Rama 2008. And if you still haven't spotted your own favorite Simpsons brand, won't you leave a comment and let us know about it?
The basics: Dates, when provided, refer to original broadcasts. I've watched most but not all of the episodes, including most of the current (20th) season, but couldn't confirm all references because there's a significant lag between air dates and DVD releases: the most recent DVD (2008) covers the eleventh season, and the twelfth-season DVD won't be released until August 2009.
Food, Beverage, and Restaurants
The Legless Frog
Call Me Delish-mael Taffy Shop ("Kidney Trouble," 12/6/99)
Hard Luck Café
Horseradishery
Inga-Bar Beerman (Swedish bar, "Lost Verizon," 10/5/08)
Mother Nature Burger (slogan: "It's Eco-licious!"; sold at Krusty Burger; led to a "Spew-nami" reported on TV news) ("Coming to Homerica," 5/17/09).
ScienceWater (Marge: "The label is all in lower case! It's like drinking e.e. cummings!") "Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh," 5/10/09).
Señor Ding-Dong's Doorbell Fiesta
Native American Ice Cream Co. (formerly Big Chief Crazy Cone)
Clam-alot (abandoned seafood restaurant in "Lisa the Drama Queen," 1/26/09)
Entertainment
The Drowningest Catch (TV show watched on "Coming to Homerica").
AD/AD (Christian AC/DC cover band; "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes," 9/28/08)
Praiseland (Christian theme park built by Ned Flanders, "I'm Goin' to Praiseland," 5/6/01)
Hullabalooza (mega-concert; portmanteau of "hullabaloo" and "lollapalooza"; in "Homerpalooza," 5/19/96)
Chinese Mann's Theater (owned by a Chinese man; next door to Mann's Chinese Theater; "Beyond Blunderdome," 9/26/99)
Polystar Pictures (entrance sign: "No artistic integrity beyond this point"; "Beyond Blunderdome")
Das Booty Call (movie at the Springfield Googoolplex; "E-I-E-I-(annoyed grunt)," 11/7/99)
Shakespeare in Heat (ditto)
My Dinner with Jar Jar (ditt0)
Mars Needs Towels (ditto)
Face Puncher IV (ditto)
That 70s Movie (ditto)
The Poke of Zorro (ditto)
Education
Elementary My Dear Watson Detective School
Tuition Academy (no scholarships; where Lisa's new friend Juliet is enrolled in "Lisa the Drama Queen," 1/25/09)
No Child Left Alone Act ("How the Test Was Won," 3/1/09).
Publications
Barely Regal (monarchy magazine favored by Marge, "MyPods and Boomsticks")
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Pre-Teens" (book read by Bart, "Brother's Little Helper," 10/3/99)
"Chicken Soup for the Loser" ("Brother's Little Helper")
Sports
Teabiscuit (name of Queen Elizabeth I's horse, "Four Great Women and a Manicure," 5/10/09)
Springfield Excitement (name of basketball team bought by Mr. Burns, "The Burns and the Bees," 12/8/08)
At the Mall, the South Street Squidport, Etc.
Spiffany's ("Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh," 5/3/09)
Sea Cap'ns Bait n' Barg'n B'n (splendid example of the apologetic apostrophe)
Styx & Stones Records
Prodigy Barn
Raccoon's Choice Trashcans ("Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh")
Pest Bye (pest-control store; "Gone Maggie Gone," 3/15/09)
Fireworks, Candy & Puppydogs
Painful Memories Party Supplies
King Toot's music store ("E-I-E-I-[annoyed grunt]" )
Sneed's Feed & Seed ("E-I-E-I-[annoyed grunt]")
Finger-Looking Good Nail Salon ("Four Great Women and a Manicure," 5/10/09)
Transportation
High-Pressure Tire Sales
George Kennedy Airport (obviously LAX renamed; "Beyond Blunderdome")
Boris Kar-Loft
Crazy Vlaclav's Place of Automobiles
Just Take Me Home Taxi Cab Co.
Elec-Taurus (electric car; "Beyond Blunderdome")
U-Trawl Boat Rentals
Services
Broken Dreams Storage Lockers
Total Disaster Insurance Company
Straight & Narrow Storage
Acne Grease and Shovel
Red Devil Realty
Red Blazer Real Estate ("Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh")
Stinking Fish Realty
The Copy Jalopy
Merry Widow Insurance Company
Blue Umbrella Insurance ("How the Test Was Won," 3/1/09)
Hospitality
Three Seasons Motel
Technology
Mapple (slogan: Think Differently--"but our real slogan is No Refunds"; founder and Chief Imaginative Officer Steve Mobbs; "MyPods and Boomsticks," 11/30/08)
Brainiac Bar (service desk in the Mapple store)
MyPhonies (fake white earbuds, $40 a pair in the Mapple store)
DiePod (parody MyPod in Itchy and Scratchy segment of "MyPods and Broomsticks")
Oogle (search engine Lisa uses in "The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly," 4/19/09)
Environment (Natural and Built)
Lake Flaccid
The Murderhorn
Mt. Embolism
Frigid Falls
Yahoo Search Engine Arena (formerly Springfield Coliseum)
Civic Life
"The Armpit of America's Butt-Crack" (Springfield motto, depicted on city-limits sign in "How the Test Was Won," 3/1/09)
"Birthplace of Capital Punishment" (Capital City motto, "How the Test Was Won")
Home Improvement
Stern Lecture Plumbing (motto: "I Told You Not to Flush That!"; "Homer the Great," 1/8/95)
Broken Home Chimney Repair
Basement Oasis water heater ("Father Knows Worst," 4/26/09)
Crafty Art's Arts and Crafts ("Father Knows Worst")
Clothing
Shush Mutts (Try N Save's knockoff of Hush Puppies; the shoe brand Principal Skinner wears in "The Good, the Sad and the Drugly," 4/19/09)
Medical
Pediatric Mental Wellness Group (motto: "When Your Kid's Gone Cuckoo")
Ignorital (for treatment of Lisa's Environment-Related Despair, "The Good, the Sad and the Drugly").
Screaming Monkey Medical Research Center ("HOMR," 1/7/01; not to be confused with Screaming Monkey Research Laboratories or Screaming Monkey Research).
Barnacle Billy Anger Management Center ("Kidney Trouble," 12/6/99)
Doc Martens (podiatrist at Springfield Hospital, "Kidney Trouble")
The Pharm Team (medical lab; "Brother's Little Helper)
These are SO GREAT. Thank you (again) for slaving over a hot DVD to nab all these. These posts might have the best LOL/entry ratio of anything I read. :-)
Posted by: mike | June 26, 2009 at 08:59 AM
I agree with @mike!
I can't help wondering what the news would look like if The Simpson's writers were hired to make headlines.
Posted by: Nick | June 27, 2009 at 06:02 AM