The Energy to Energize

With oil prices topping $100 a barrel, you'd think the world's petropolies would get themselves the very best corporate slogans that money could buy. Right? Nuh-uh. On the contrary, they settle for redundant, interchangeable, meaningless babble like this. (Note: all slogans guaranteed authentic, from the likes of NRG Energy, Ameren Corporation, Northeast Utilities System, El Paso Corporation, ConocoPhillips, and Chevron.)

It all starts here. (Really? It? All? Here?)

The industry of environment. (Yeah--despoiling the environment.)

The way energy works. (This way: Buy low, sell high.)

We make things more reliable. (Things like price increases, for example. You can count on them!)

Energy. Growth. Leadership. The Energy to Make a Difference. (We couldn't decide on one slogan, so we went with the top two.)

We have the energy. (And we're holding it for ransom.)

Ingenuity takes energy. (And right now we're taking a nap.)

Our Energy Is Working for You. (Dept. of Stating the Obvious.)

In business to deliver. (Ditto.)

The power of people. (In concentrated form, like Soylent Green?)

People. Performance. Energy. (If they get out of the oil biz they can use that slogan for a stationery-supplies company.)

Always There. (Like that creepy guy in Accounting with the substandard personal hygiene.)

Whenever you find your inspiration, we'll be there when the light goes on. (I tried to diagram that sentence--whenever? when?--and gave up in frustration.)

365. And then some. (And its subsidiary, "3.142: Going in circles.")

Powering tomorrow. (You want power today? Good luck!)

Teamwork redefined. (New definition: You're the team. Get to work!)

Clear strategies. Real assets. (As opposed to what?)

Human Energy. (There's that Soylent Green again!)

Our energy is your energy. (And again!)

A meaningful company, doing meaningful work, with meaningful results. (Well, that's a relief, because the slogan is meaningless.)

Energy. Experience. Diversity. (Diversity? Does that mean the VP of Human Resources is Samoan?)

We work with care. (Nice to know. I hate getting oil all over my new shoes.)

Miles of experience. Miles of opportunity. (Great slogan for a board of supervisors candidate named Miles!)

Energy for tomorrow. (But I need energy today!)

I could tell you which slogan belongs to which company, but I don't have the energy. Mix and match as you like!

Comments

[Orange]

I just saw a van for...some company, I forget who. The slogan was "Ingenuity Welcome." It took me forever just to parse that properly. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's give her an ingenuity welcome!" Er, no. "Burroughs Wellcome Ingenuity"? No. Okay, so they're welcoming ingenuity. From whom? Are they expecting me to chip in? Because I'm not giving away my best ideas to people with a dumb slogan.

"Ingenuity a plus, but not required" would work for me.

[Jessica]

Any day you can squeeze in a double reference to Soylent Green is a great one in my book, Nancy.