Eric Gagné, a relief pitcher with the Los Angeles Dodgers until this season, when he joined the Texas Rangers, had a tête-à-tête with Sports Illustrated (June 4, 2007) and spilled the beans about his kids' names.
He'd started out sanely enough, naming his 6½-year-old daughter Faye.
He began losing control with Maddox, now 3½. "People think I named Maddox after [former Dodgers teammate] Greg Maddux, but it's because I love Angelina Jolie," Gagné said. (Does his wife know about this?) "When she named her son Maddox, I thought it was cool."
Eric neglected to heed rule #1 of baby naming: Pay absolutely no attention to what show-business folk call their offspring. It only encourages them.
Yes, it's a slippery slope. Now there is poor little Bluu, at 1½ still too young to know the sins of the father. Let's let Gagné pêre tell the story:
And people [people? which people, exactly?] think Dodger blue with Bluu, but it was the name of a store we saw, and she was born in Arizona, where there's always a blue sky.
By that logic, my own name should be "Smogg." Or perhaps "Bag 'n' Basket."
Reminds me of that episode of 30 Rock in which the stupendously vapid, criminally underdressed receptionist Cerie (played by Katrina Bowden) mused about her forthcoming nuptials and hoped-for issue:
I already have all the names picked out. If it's a girl, Bookcase. Or Sandstorm. Or maybe Hat. [Beat.] But maybe that's more of a boy's name.
For more wrong turns in neonatal nomenclature, check out The Bad Baby Names Blog, which reports on the idiocies shared at Yahoo Answers: "You can go there for advice on how to fix a leaking hose, or file for bankruptcy - why not have them name your baby as well?"